


Damn Wolf (Snupin)

by SouthernLolita



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Dolores Umbridge Being an Asshole, Good Draco Malfoy, Good Lucius Malfoy, Harry Potter Needs a Hug, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter Friendship, M/M, Magic Cock, Mpreg, Pregnant Severus Snape, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Tags May Change, remus lupin is a precious creature
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2019-11-13 06:14:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18026285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernLolita/pseuds/SouthernLolita
Summary: It's mpreg shit...so there I'll fix this later





	1. Fire Whiskey and Truth

A great wizard once said, in one of his muggle novels “There was a long hard time when I kept far from me the remembrance of what I had thrown away when I was quite ignorant of its worth.”  
  
There are numerous times in Severus's life that he would like to go back and try again, make another choice or avoid the mess all together. A Thousand small things said or done that looking back, the concise man would smack himself for. Moments in his life he would have taken back and made the 'right' choice. The better choice, the kinder, gentler choice.  
  
Life was full of such choices and as the scholars claim — the flap of a butterflies wings could cause a hurricane oceans away. Maybe if he hadn't said that horrible word to Lily that day, or taken the mark he would be a different man. A man with a life and a family. All those thoughts where far too painful to dwell on and so Severus chose not to.  
  
It was easier to do what he had to do to get through each day. To shoulder responsibilities and pain because — what else did he have to give? He had a debt to Albus and remorse for Potter and the mother the boy would never know.  
  
One thing he wasn't sure if he would regret however, was getting piss drunk with a soppy werewolf in mourning. That was something he was questioning if he would like to go back and hex himself stupid for.  
  
It happened a few weeks after the death of Sirius Black. Severus hadn't been Blacks biggest fan..or fan at all, however, as much as he'd like to say that the mutts demise was welcome to him — he couldn't. Having devoted himself to the silent task of watching of Lily's wayward child, he saw the toll eluding the brash man had taken on the boy. Harry wasn't the only one suffering from Black's death, Lupin had seemed even more worn and faded than the moment he showed up on Hogwarts school grounds. Severus wanted to pass a few biting comments or drop a hateful line about 'Gryffindor's and their lack of self-preservation.' Somehow he just didn't have it in him to rub it in. He had told the mutt to stay put, but when did Sirius Black ever listen to him? Or anyone for that matter?  
  
The order was reeling from the loss of an excellent wizard, a man who had been wronged once and left to rot, freed and forced back into a prison of his past. It was heinously unfair but then...life was unfair. Now the light was left to the put the pieces back together of those broken and suffering.  
  
All the while, those responsible were feeling the boost of taking down one of Dumbledore's favorite Gryffindors.  
  
That wasn't to say things in Voldemort's camp were better for his disciples. If anything the Dark Lord was growing more fanatical since his return and this madness was experienced by those loyal to him and those..pretending to be. The loss of the prophecy had been the nail in the coffin for Malfoy and those most familiar to him, which Severus had the displeasure to be.  
  
Severus stumbled through the floo of 12 Grimmauld places following a particular nasty deatheater meeting. Everything was hurting, and he couldn't even stand. All he desired was to find a place to curl up and die, ok that was a little dramatic. All he required was a place to hide and lick his wounds in peace.  
  
However, that was not to be as there was at least one person currently in residence at the dusty old tomb that was the Orders home base.  
  
And of course it had been Remus Lupin.  
  
Damn the wolf and his incessant need to play nurse maid. Did he look like he needed to be manhandled? Or as Lupin would call it “helping” him to his feet. He was perfectly fine there on that disgusting rug with decades of pureblood over entitled Black filth. Severus could have gotten up anytime he wanted to. Perhaps he was enjoying the whimsical spinning of the cracked ceiling tiles above him.  
  
But no, Lupin just had to arrive at the scene, kneeling next to him and being a bother, tending to his wounds. Severus would have slapped the infernal man's hands away had it not been for the tremors caused by prolonged crucio.  
  
Bellatrix had been in rare form that night and the Dark Lord was all too ready to allow her to amuse herself. Malfoy had gotten the brunt of it for his failures, but she didn't like Snape. The witch didn't know how right she was with her hatred for him. From day one Bella always felt that he, as a half blood, didn't deserve the high position their Lord had given him. Although she was insane, so what went on in her crazy little head was a mystery. Perhaps one day he'd get the joy of proving her right by severing her head from her fool shoulders.  
  
Until that blessed day however, Severus would have to put up with his lot in life as Dumbledore's favorite spy.  
  
Still, Severus did not need to be cared for. He never needed it so why in the hell was he laid out on this old musty sofa and letting the wolf care for him? Honestly, this was a surprise to both of them.  
  
For Remus, it was just about being needed again. He had felt so lost during those long years spent alone. Moving from place to place and taking whatever odd bit of work he could find, muggle or wizarding. Just barely making enough to feed and house himself. Getting Sirius back had been a gift. The love that tore his heart out that October night was vindicated and freed. But the Sirius who came back to him was not the man he was. Sirius needed him so much, and Remus was happy to oblige that need. Falling into the routine of caring for someone who, at times, could not care for himself. Perhaps this dependency was unhealthy, but he craved it and now it was over. That night he felt lower than ever and when the black clad man feels face first out of the fireplace, he jumped at the chance to help.  
  
Honestly, Remus had always badly felt about how the other Marauders had treated Snape. Regrettably, they were just kids — kids making foolish choices based off what the surrounding adults had told them. Lupin had swallowed the bitter pill of his own cowardice in those days because possessing friends meant more than doing what was right.  
  
Now it seemed that too much time had passed, and he would never be able to atone for the sins committed by his teenage self. Even so, he had to try right?  
  
So that night, as he tended to the potion masters injuries, Remus poured his heart out. It didn't seem like Severus cared either way but at least he listened. If only because he was extremely tired and in too much pain to argue. After he had said his peace and finished forcing healing charms and potions on the man, he offered him a drink. They could both probably use one at this point.  
  
“It will help you sleep.” He said pouring them both a glass.  
  
Severus had agreed and shot back a barb “Perhaps it shall make me forget that sentimental drivel as well.”  
  
One drink turned to two as they talked about the meeting Severus had been in, recent events, Hogwarts, Harry, and back around to the past. They perhaps were a bit too far into the bottle of Fire Whiskey by that point when Remus shed a light on some of Snapes old foes' behavior.  
  
“You were cute in that waifish sort of way, James was just jealous of you because of Lily but Sirius. Well half the time I couldn't tell if it was because you were a Slytherin or because he fancied you. Maybe his was jealously too though.”  
  
Severus snorted and took another drink. “What did he have to be jealous of? My, what was it he liked to call it? ' Great big bloody nose', or perhaps my 'disgusting greasy hair' that's flame retardant crème by the way. I have no wish to be lit a flame by a bunch of dunderhead students now nor did I then.”  
  
The wolf cringed at the old insults, children could be so cruel to people they saw as different. Remus had never wanted to say such things or use the horrid nicknames that James and Sirius had picked out. “No, you see he was jealous because..” Remus smiled over the rim of his glass. It was now or never, maybe if he was lucky Severus was drunk enough to forget about all of this. “I fancied you for our first three years.”  
  
Well Snape hadn't expected that.  
  
Lupin sighed and set down his glass. “Forgive me if I've made you uncomfortable. I know you..well it wasn't difficult to see how you felt for Lily.”  
  
“Yes..she wasn't the only one.” something in the back of his mind screamed at him to shut up but then there was that damn wolf making confessions. Why the hell not join the party? “There was...Regulus. I'm sure Black would have killed me outright for that.” He hadn't told anyone about that in years, as if admitting it would somehow dredge up the ghosts of his past. Severus had done that same with Lily, hiding any feelings he had for her under cold glares and cutting words.  
  
Remus just looked at him sadly. Those honey eyes gazed too woefully into his, it reminded him of the way Minerva had looked all those years ago when she found him weeping in the dungeons. His heart breaking for the last time for all the loves he had lost. For all the lies and anger that he couldn't contain. The motherly woman had just wrapped her arms around him and hushed him softly. That was the last time he cried in front of anyone.  
  
“Severus...”  
  
When Snape looked up he found that Lupin was now incredibly close to him, too close and yet something about the way the fire light danced over the shadows of scars on the mans face held him still. “What..”  
  
Remus had to take the chance, even if it blew up in his face. He couldn't bare another night alone in this house with all of these memories. “Just for tonight, you can tell me no right now if you want to, if I'm wrong I'll accept this and never say anything again But if you don't say it soon … I won't be able to stop.”  
  
Stained fingers reached out and wound into the tatty threadbare cloth of the other mans robes. Severus should have pushed him away then. Of course, there was that one rare fact that the damn wolf wasn't wrong. Snape was just as tired of the loneliness and the emptiness, even if all this turned out to be been a single night of indiscretion. Perhaps it would be enough to take the edge of the countless more nights of silence to come. Enough to give him a reprieve from the self-loathing and anxiety that was his life. “Then don't.”


	2. Something worth trying

Severus would have been ashamed of the soft sound that escaped his lips had he been sober. Fortunately he wasn't so moaning like a randy 7 th year in some dark corridor was ok. Maybe later he could feel ashamed because right now his brain was occupied with the werewolf pressing him into the sofa.

 

Lips captured his and soon abandoned first purchase to travel along the column of his throat and chest. Severus hissed as his tender ribs were jostled.

 

“Sorry...sorry this. This isn't the right time is it you're hurt and..”  
  
“Lupin if you leave me like this I swear on Salazar's beard I will hex you in the very area you have insulted upon my person. Do you understand?” Severus said, breathless from the other wizards previous ministrations 

 

Remus smiled slipping off the sofa and offering a hand. “Then at least lets take this somewhere more comfortable.”

 

The trip up the stairs should have been easy enough, then again walking would have been a less arduous task without an amours werewolf trying to disrobe him. That wasn't to say that the educator wasn't acting just as wanton. Remus Lupin was fit. Severus wasn't blind and despite their difficult past, the alcohol had gone a long way into soothing his anger.

 

This was just friction after all, just one night that they both needed. It could be forgot easily and the pair of them would likely go right back to hating each other. In a best case scenario they might learn to have a mutual understanding and only a mild dislike.

 

Severus found himself pressed up against the wall of the 2 nd floor hall. His robe and waistcoat already abandoned along with his boots. He was swiftly losing his shirt and doing a good job divesting the man before him. 

 

Once in the bedroom more garments fell and wands clattered to the floor. Severus found himself thrust back onto the bed. Lupin was swift to capture his lips once again. The dark man had never been one much for kissing, perhaps because the opportunity to do so rarely presented itself. However, the way the werewolf kissed him with such desperate fire made his lips burn, feeling the urgency with very movement.

 

That wasn't all he was feeling, Severus felt a tremble up his spine from the large member was pressing into his belly. His own arousal more than evident as well.

 

Remus smiled into the kiss before reaching down between them grasping the slimmer mans length without hesitation. “Tell me what you want.”

 

“Anything...Everything.” Severus spoke breathlessly, trying so hard to reign himself in from the feeling of the strong hand stroking him so tortuously. 

 

There was something so primal and satisfying to Remus about watching the other man slowly come apart just from his touch. Seeing that strict facade melt away leaving behind blush stained cheeks and soft expressions. “I'll take such good care of you. Look at you, god I never knew you could look like this.” 

 

Severus arched his back when the hand left him and trail of open mouthed kisses rained down his body. He knew what was about to happen but nothing could have prepared him of the heavenly warmth of Lupins mouth. “FUCK!”

 

The wolf looked up with hollowed cheeks looking far to pleased with himself. Popping off and dropping a kiss to the inside of the other mans pallid thighs. “I thought you'd never ask.”

 

Severus threw an arm over his eyes muttering something about idiot Gryffindors. His protests were short lived as he was opened up. It struck him how gentle Remus was, as if he truly meant something more than whatever this was. He was accustom to being touched and caressed like a lover.

 

“Blast..get on with it will you.” He shuddered and trembled. 

 

Remus only frowned and settled over his body. “I don't want to hurt you Severus, we have all night.”

 

This wasn't what Snape had expected. Perhaps a half clothed buggering bent over a bit of furniture, but not this. Not looking into those warm eyes and his face buried into the wolfs neck desperately trying to stifle moans. Not being held and kissed and praised. It was too much. Afterward, he was left boneless, completely powerless to have anything cruel to say.

 

Instead, he just gave over to that sad ugly little part of himself and allowed Lupin to pull him close. Surrendering to the warm comfort and letting sleep take hold.

 

 

Morning light had brought their nighttime activities into austere reality. It hadn't been a dream, of course it hadn't. Severus wasn't that lucky.

 

The unlikely pair sat in the rumpled bed, the quiet of dawn felt like funeral service. Robes, shirts, trousers, and boots lay scattered down the hall and on the floor of the tiny bedroom. A battle field of years of pent up emotions and this was the peak – one night of shameless rutting.

 

Severus felt like a trembling prey animal as the other man stared at his unclothed back. What was there to say? Surely this was a mistake and yet, some small part of him would have died if he heard those words. That minuscule part of him that huddled by his nearly ice cold heart for what warmth was left. A childlike voice in his head that reminded him, too painfully, of the little boy in his mothers hand-me-down blouse. A boy who coward in the corner as his father flew into a drunken rage again. A voice that cried 'please...please don't hate me.'

 

Warm fingertips suddenly lit on his skin. The sensation took nearly all of Severus's controll not to bolt away. The feather light touches felt like searing embers as they trailed the bumps of his spine.

 

“Alright? I wasn't too rough was I?”

 

Why did Lupin sound so blasted caring? As if it mattered at all what kind of treatment he'd subjected 'snivelus' to. As if he really mattered at all. It wasn't as if this would go any farther than tonight. At any moment Lupin would show him the door with out so much as a by your leave.

 

“No. I am far from some chaste maiden.” His quip lacked teeth and maybe that had to do with being starkers with a man he once loathed. How did he feel about Lupin now was the question. The answer – he didn't know. Severus wanted to get up from here with his dignity and storm out. To never look back or think on the moment again but then... then he closed his eyes and felt himself shiver with the images playing behind his closed lids. He was stronger than this, he didn't need anyone! 

 

“Didn't say you were.”

 

The bed shifted as the sound of bare feet hitting the floor caught his attention. Soon Lupin was before him in a faded red dressing gown. Those scared hands that had felt like satin the night before were around his face. Touching him with such gentility.

 

This wasn't fair.

 

“I'm not sure what this is Severus, but I don't mind finding out. I'd like to start over properly if you'll allow me?”

 

Properly? What a laughable concept. How could Lupin even insinuate that they could take this any father than tonight. That anyone would let them? “You know what I am.” It was pointless to try and cover the mark now. Lily wouldn't have forgiven him for this mistake even if he was trying to make it right now. Lupin knew already but knowing and seeing was two different things. Severus had seen the look on Albus' face every time the old man saw the mark, the disappointment and sadness.“Once a deatheater always a deatheater right? Are you not afraid that I could be playing both sides? That the greasy dungeon bat is just minding his time and looking for a safety net where ever he can find it?”

 

“At least you don't turn into a monster three nights a month.” Lupin chuckled and leaned closer, “I think you made a mistake when you were a boy like we all made mistakes and now you're doing everything you can to change that. I have.. a sense about people and I've seen you Severus, weather you wanted me too or not. Thank you for letting me, because now that I know who you really are. I don't intend to let you go. I'm ..selfish and tired of losing people.”

 

Severus found himself being draw into a kiss.

 

He should have pulled away then, should have summoned his clothes and left post haste. Told Lupin he was a fool, a blasted fool.

 

It wouldn't have made much difference though, or maybe it would have. Trying to pinpoint an exact date and time when this odd little exercise in profound stupidity took such a horrendous turn – was impossible.

 

 


	3. Falling for you

Over the course of the next month, Remus Lupin was determined in his courtship of a certain dour potions master.

 

All the while Severus lied to himself saying it meant nothing. If he pretended away those kind gestures and ignored the his own growing fondness – he was safe. It's hard to ignore however when those warm eyes capture his and even harder when he found himself falling back into bed with Lupin.

 

Through all of his sour moods and harsh words the fool man would just smile.

 

“ _I don't like you for your sweetness Severus, I like you for you.”_

 

“ _And what makes you think I care in the least?”_

 

“ _You've not hex me?”_

 

Severus would return from these meetings and look at himself in the steamed mirror of his private bath. He'd stare at his pale skin and lanky body and sneer at a face too much like his fathers, hair too much like his mother. “It's a phase, he's just desperate and so are you.. pathetic. What could he possible...see in you? ” Words spoken in irritation, hateful grimaces directed at love bites littering his shoulders and hips. Until even those words were not enough to shield himself from what was happening with every smile and touch. Remus wasn't the kind of man to toy with someone. The wolf was too soft for that, too much of a sloppy Gryffindor with his feelings bore on his tattered sleeves.

 

Maybe Severus finally lost his mind when he let Remus go against order rules and connect the floo from the safe house to his quarters at Hogwarts. It was a big risk but it was more a risk to be seen leaving the grounds so regularly, or worse to connect to Spinners End where that troll Pettigrew had a habit of showing up.

 

“ _I want to see you. Classes haven't started yet, it shouldn't be a problem if no one knows I'm there. You said it yourself, once classes start it will be too difficult for you to get away from the grounds and the board of governors won't take kindly to a werewolf dropping by for tea.”_

 

“ _Some how I think the point of this hole-in-the-wall being unplottable and hidden would be defeated if you could waltz into it on a whim.”_

 

“ _Severus...I just don't want to lose everything we've worked toward. If I could find suitable work and get a place of my own I would.”_

 

Of course with current laws there was little to no opportunities for Lupin now that the general population now knew of his affliction. Severus felt the sting of his own hand in that. Perhaps once this bloody war was over (should he even survive it) they might try and repair the Ministries policies with respect to lycanthropy. The mere thought of the future in regards to Lupin was telling enough. Yet there he was making such allowances, finding himself making tweaks to the Wolfsbane potion, reading up on advances in the field.

His idiocy concerning Lupin wasn't exclusive to helping the man with ailment of course. Severus didn't even realize it until he as on his way back from a shopping trip and restocking his stores that he glanced over at a pale lilac papered bundle. One bare mention by Lupin that he liked a fragrance had Severus picking up a new soaps from that horribly cute little shop in Hogsmede. It had been a stupidly random conversation about some candles the Granger girl had brought to 'freshen up' Grimmauld place.

 

“ _Is this your attempt at romance? I was not laboring under the impression you would be laying out candles for my arrival. If there are rose petals adorning your sheets I will leave.”_

 

_Remus laughed and shook his head. “No, Hermione brought them from a muggle shop I think. It is rather musty in here you know. I like the smell of the, it's warm and to be honest it reminded me of you in an odd sort of way.”_

 

_Something about that statement Severus found highly unlikely. If anything he smelled like cheap utility soap and any given mix of potions ingredients. The later not always a good combination . Picking up one of the little glass jars of dark green colored wax he spied the label “Patchouli, well..someones parents were quite fun in the 60's. Might I ask why this makes you think of me?”_

 

“ _Because” Lupin smirked moving closer to gently remove the little fragrance flame from his hand. Leaning in close those amber eyes smoldering with intent that sent a shiver up his spine. “ It's dark, strong...slightly sweet, and very very intoxicating.”_

 

Now Severus had a collection of Potchouli base soap. At this rate the rest of the staff was going to think he was cultivating a very 'special' garden in his spare time. That was all he needed, students already thought he hung upside down to sleep – now they'll just think he's stoned when he does it.

 

“I ...am an idiot.”

 

Still, Severus couldn't be too mad at himself, Remus came alive little by little with every lunch or tea time they spent chatting, the nights spent twisted together in soft black sheets. The first real test came with the full moon.

 

Remus was happy enough to let Moony be locked in the basement of the number 12. To bow his head and tell Severus he would see him in a few days but that wasn't going to happen.

 

“ _I'm staying.”_

 

“ _Severus..you don't have to do this.”_

 

He did, at least that was what Snape had rationalized in his own mind. He would need to get over his fear of the beast inside the man if they were to continue on as they were. A blind man could see how uncomfortable the prospect of being watched was to Remus, - and yet he conceded. Severus almost wished the overly agreeable sod would have fought him on the point. 

 

So they went down into the dank cellar of number 12. The scent of wet stone and mud seeping in through the ancient cracks in the foundation. With the wolfsbane this seemed like overkill, the potion should have made Lupin docile enough. Even so, Remus wasn't willing to leave anything to chance.

 

“ _If I hurt you..I would never forgive myself.”_

 

So the dark man took a seat on the other side of bars and waited. Remus had been itching all day and the closer the time drew the worse it became. Seeing Remus standing naked in the cold filthy little cell did something to Severus. Over the passing weeks his brain had somehow made Lupin into something so much more than the shivering scared man before him. It hurt even more when the transformation began.

 

After they had formed such a delicate bond – seeing Remus scream and contort was far different than it had been when he was boy, or even the night they discovered Black's innocence. Watching someone you feel something for...something...like love, in pain.. it was a unique kind of anguish. All Severus wanted to do was to make it stop. For a horrible moment he thought of Lupin's mother, how must it have felt for her to see her child like this. If he was so gutted...it must have destroyed her. 

 

Grayback deserved hell for this. Azkaban would be a mercy.

 

What Snape did next was madness, but looking at the lanky fur covered creature before him.. he couldn't stop. Reaching through the bars speaking softly to a creature that once fueled his nightmares. A cold damp nose pressing against his palm. “I'll stay. I won't leave you Remus. Do you understand?”

 

Stay he did, all night long laying next to those bars until morning broke and took the beast with it. Opening the bars and gathering Remus in his arms, seeing the man so weary and pained – telling him it was alright, it was over now. That was when Severus knew he was too far into this. He was on an edge that would destroy him.

 

Severus contemplated pulling away then. Perhaps if they ended things now..

 

Then it happened. The final conformation that his nights spent with Remus Lupin would change everything.

 


	4. WHAT!

It was an awful morning when Severus woke feeling out of sorts. Then again, he'd been out of sorts since allowing Lupin into his life. All of his ridiculous preening and primping for that idiot. Severus had spent more time on his own appearance in the last few weeks than he had in years. 

 

“Rowena's Rear...I've become a teenage girl...” He'd said more than once while tossing shirts to the left and right, - not that he had much to pick from. His wardrobe had consisted largely of black and white with the rare dark green, grey and blood violet. The last a gift from Narcissa, which he refused to wear unless under extreme duress. 

 

Presently, the professor's problem had nothing to do with fashion. 

 

His head felt too light on his shoulders and his stomach clenched painfully at even the thought of food. Perhaps it was that wine the blasted wolf ployed him with the night before? At any rate he had things to do. The school year was approching and Severus still had NEWTS lessons to finish. 

 

Thus the ailing potions master forced himself to the grand hall for breakfast, after all, it wouldn't do for him to collapse before the first staff meeting. Not that he held out much hope for escaping a headache, all that pink was going to make him nauseous. Snape was sure this year was going to be bloody terrible, just like every other year, but now with ….frills. 

 

The fates were unfortunately unkind to Severus who ended up running from the Grand hall faster than if Fluffy was on the mans heels. Skidding through the hallway to heave his breakfast up in the nearest lavatory. 

 

He vowed never to drink again. 

 

As it happened however, this would not be his last visit kneeling at the porcelain god. A repeat performance came just an hour after lunch. He was sure he'd been poisoned with something. 

 

Normally, he would anticipate a simple prank as the root cause and would wait to see if the affects would dissipate by the next day. Nevertheless, it was August and his luck was not that great. If he was being poison it was likely to be fatal or – a Hogwarts elf was simply done with cleaning his cauldrons and taking a stand. Damn Granger and her meddling ways, the elves were becoming tolerable. At least where Snap was concerned. They never actually liked him but he was fearsome enough to cow the creatures from any objections. It's not as if he gave them much work, he used detentions for most of his cleaning. After all, watching Potter and his cronies elbow deep in melted magpie livers was just so satisfying.

 

Severus truly hoped it was the later because if he died now it would be terribly inconvenient. Also, it was highly likely that the wolf might miss him.

 

The next day he'd felt fatigued and even more nauseous, despite taking several basic poison antidotes the night before. Severus just wanted to crawl back in bed and hang all of the days preparations for the approaching educational year. He would have been blissful enough to do just that until the bell over his floo chimed. “Damn wolf. Not even one moments peace.”

 

“Sev, you look awful what's happened?” Lupin's head appeared through the floo, eyeing the blanket burrito raven. 

 

Severus' knees were aching and he was in no mood to converse at length in such an undignified position. “ Just come through.”

 

Remus was not at all happy to see the state his lover was in. Taking the dark man by the shoulders as he wavered on his feet. “Severus, for Merlin's sake, What have you been doing with yourself?” Remus fretted over him, leading the haggard looking man back to bed.

 

“I've done nothing I do not usually do. Aside from our ...meetings.” Severus said curling up on his side feeling a wave of sickness that had been building for nearly an hour before Lupin called. 

 

The wolf settled beside him warm arms settled protectively around him. This was one thing Severus was still getting used to. Lupin loved to touch, he was always touching and indulging in closeness when ever possible. It had taken a lot of convincing for Severus to allow the man such liberties. In the end it had been easier to permit than have to watch the other man pout.

 

“ I think you should go to the infirmary, let Poppy take a look at you.” Remus said, carding his fingers through his hair. 

 

The gentle motions making him melt in a very undignified little puddle. Should anyone see him like this it would ruin him. The head of Slytherin reduced to a great purring kenezal with one head pat. The Scandal would rival the Dark Lord showing up nude at the ministry and doing the conga. “I'm not a child.” 

 

Remus smiled and dropped a kiss on the back of his neck. “No of course not, and you're not at all whining wrapped in a blanket right now are you?”

 

“Prat.”

 

It took a some light badgering on Lupin's part to finally get Snape up and moving to see the medi-witch. As much as he loathed to ask for help, he had to admit that he was no healer and perhaps for the sake of his upcoming classes and duties to the order – and the Dark Lord, he'd want to be in top form.

 

The news had been...eye opening.

 

“ _Poppy...what did you just say to me?” This was not happening, there was no way this was happening. There had to be special precautions right? He hadn't exactly been reading up on this subject! Maybe she ran the diagnostic wrong, was she holding her wand in the correct position? Maybe it was a swish where it should have been a flick and the result was just a mistake. Mistakes happen! He didn't make them of course but Severus is sure other people did._

 

_The matron put her hands on her hips. Years of loyal and trust worthy service to the staff and student body of Hogwarts behind her. “You know what I said young man. I would have thought out of everyone you would be more careful. You know with such a high magical core this sort of thing is possible.”_

 

_Possible..not probable though. There hadn't been that many cases and the ones there had been had needed special potions to facilitate. A number of dangerous and fatal possibilities ran through his head. Sure he had expected to die before he hit 40, probably in a horrifically bloody way. Probably Potters fault, hell he would probably die trying to keeping the fool headed boy from running headlong into the jaws of death! Or it would be a Malfoy...between Lucius and his schemes and Draco's incessant need to fallow Potter around like a dog in heat. ( No mater how hateful his godson pretended to feel.)_

 

“ _Do the scan again.”_

 

“ _Severus, it's going to come back the same. You are pregnant. Such a thing, not even married! I knew your mother and she would be very cross with you!”_

 

 

 


	5. No turning back now

Consider the worst moment of your life, now magnify that times 10. This shouldn't have ever happened and yet here he was. Walking alone down the corridors, his steps dragging the whole way. When Severus managed to make his way back to his quarters, he'd already questioned his entire existence.

 

Weakness brought him here, he took his eyes off the mission and allowed Lupin to side track him. Now what was he going to do? There was only one outcome for this and it was nearly unthinkable to consider. Tracing his fingers over the stone wall carved with snakes slithering through an arch of ivy. Grey stone warmed to a dark brown wood, the hidden door to Severus's private quarters.

 

For a moment, he flirted with the idea of just lying. Saying nothing was wrong and quietly taking care of the...problem. Severus knew the moment his eyes fell to the familiar figure that he wouldn't be able to do that. Not even hiding behind his strongest mental shields would ever be able to lie to Remus like that.

 

Lupin was waiting for him. Sitting there on the sofa like he belonged, thumbing through a potions journal. In a betraying part of his heart Severus knew he belonged there. As if the man had always been, fitting in with his muted colors of brown and creme. It wormed the drab dark greens and black of Severus's personality.

 

His first thought had been to strike that stupid wolf dead where he sat. This was all his fault! Him and his stupidly high magical core. Remus and his foolish words of love! Touching him like a precious thing, getting him drunk off of warm hands and rough lips. Stupid fit looking wolf with his blasted cock!

 

Severus tried so hard to will his blood to boil. It would make it easy if he could force the man away, tell him this was all just a game. Just payback from years of ill treatment at the hands of the marauders. After all, who wouldn't believe that old snivelus would play the long game just to taste the humiliation of his old foe.

 

But then Remus just stood up and looked at him with those honest eyes filled with worry and dare he hope - love. “Severus? Are you well? Love you look paler than usual.” Cocking his head to the side as he moved closer taking Severus by the elbow. “Severus say something?...Is it very bad?”

 

Stupid Gryffindor. “Yes..terrible. Life changing.” he said, sitting down and putting his head in hands. This was going to make everything so much harder. How could he continue his work for the order? Was this even an option? Who was he was to raise a child? He was awful with children! Well, he was alright with some of the Slytherins but still!

 

“Oh ..Oh Severus no..” Lupin's voice cracked as knelt down in front of the sofa. Poor Remus looked on the verge of tears. Visions of his mother on her death bed being replaced by the slender raven before him. How could the fates be so cruel to offer him another taste of happiness only to take it away once again. Remus didn't think he could survive a loss like that once again. It had taken everything in him just to keep going after losing Sirius, he'd convinced himself to carry on for Harry's sake. Then Severus had so unexpectedly come into his life and now the idea of not having the studious man by his side chilled him to the bone. Severus had not been at all what people thought he was.

 

“There must be something.” Remus clutched to his lovers hands. Slim hands with short cut nails, pale and slightly stained from years of potions experiments. Over their time together, Remus had learned to love these hands. Nights he's spent placing feather light kisses along the delicate bone structure and faded scars. Scars Severus refused to talk about, scars that broke his heart more than seeing the Dark mark ever could. “ Love, your one of the countries finest potions masters, we could research whatever it is. Perhaps someone at St. Mungos or..we can talk to Albus. ”

 

Snape shook his head wearily and pulled his hands away to covered his face once again. He couldn't look at the wolf when he was being so good and so earnest. “Albus can't fix this.”

 

“Tell me Sev, please tell me what's wrong? Are you...if you're ill I won't leave you. No matter what you say or how hard you try to push me away I won't leave you. Severus..don't hide.” Prying away the the dark mans hands Remus pulled them to his lips and brushed a kiss against the white knuckles. “You accepted me Severus, all of me. You pushed fear and our pasts away for me, you are a good a man and even if you don't believe me when I say I care for you. I do Severus.”

 

Remus was on his knees and Severus knew how uncomfortable that must be. The moon was only a few nights ago and the poor man was likely still sore. Yet there he was, kneeling on the cold stone floor trying to comfort him. Killing him now would just be wasteful. 

 

“I'm pregnant.” 

 

The chamber was deathly quiet for a few breaths until Lupin finally spoke. “That's ...amazing.” Here he had been thinking the worst. Only to be given something he would never think he'd have. “I've only ever read about wizard pregnancy.” He paused moment until the same line of thought that had plagued Severus had occurred to him as well.

 

Wizard pregnancy wasn't unheard of, but it required so much magic and potions to maintain safely. Special transfiguring spells had to be used just to bring the child into the world. It was an ordeal that not many would undertake. However, it was known that in pure blood families that lacked daughters often resorted to practice to insure respectable bloodlines. Remus held his loves hands tighter as he continued “Severus, This could be dangerous for you, not to mention you can't possibly return to spying for Albus.”

 

“It's too important not to. The order needs the information that I bring back for them from the Dark Lord. If we have any hope of winning this fight at all we have to have a man on the inside.” He knew Dumbledore would say the same. Half way back from the infirmary Severus had already mentally catalog the ingredient list to a...solution to this problem. As much as it pained him to do so he knew that would be the only right course of action. 

 

It was as if Remus could read the thoughts on his face and finally moved from the cold floor to sit next to him. Taking his mates face in his hands. That was who Severus was to him now, Moony was sitting in the back of his mind pleasantly chuffing at the idea of a pup. “No. Whatever your telling yourself right now I want you to stop. Severus please don't do this. Look at me.”

 

Snape didn't want to look. If he looked now it would be over. All of that resolve he'd secured on way back from the infirmary was about to crumble.

 

“Please. I know what you must be thinking but just hear me out.”

 

He looked, he shouldn't have looked because now that damn wolf's expression so loving it was disgusting. How could anyone in their right mind love him? The bat of the dungeons? The slimy git? “Don't..Do. Not. Force yourself out of some misguided attempt at chivalry. You hear me wolf?”

 

Remus just grinned and took his hands. “I know this isn't ideal and we are both still figuring our relationship out but..Severus please believe me that when I say I am happy about this.”

 

“You should not be. We will not be able to keep it you know that.” 

 

“Let's just tell Albus first. Unless...If you don't want to do this I understand.”

 

Severus wasn't sure what to say. If you asked him this time a year ago even a few months ago, he would have told you he hated the idea of children. Even if he did teach them.

 


	6. For the best

Going to speak to Dumbledore was easily one of the most embarrassing things in Severus's life. The old wizard had become something of a father figure to him over the years. Considering his previous father figure- those were not big shoes to fill. Now siting in the headmaster's office about to deliver the news of Lupin and his impending offspring – made him feel 16 all over again.

 

Remus, damn him looking all serene sitting there and calmly explaining to Albus the nature of their situation. Severus had declined to be the one to explain this little indiscretion.

 

Lupin made it clear that this was not a one night stand. Severus was slow to call what they had a serious relationship. He supposed it had been going well, his current predicament aside.

 

The headmaster wasn't as angry, disappointed, but not angry. If anything the wizard was in an odd way pleased with the two of them. Albus stroked his beard for a moment as he listened to Remus before proposing an idea.

 

“ _Oh my boys, this is certainly not what I was expecting to hear today.” Albus shook his head and looked between the two of them. “ I've yet to hear form you. Do you feel the same as Remus?”_

 

_The old nutters eyes were twinkling at him. He hated that twinkle. “I was... unprepared for such an outcome. While I was aware to some extend of the possibilities …” he wasn't expecting the wolf to get him up the bloody duff! “Well” Severus gestured . “ It is unplanned that is obvious. Lupin and I have spoken privately about how to proceed.”_

 

 

_Dumbeldore leaned back in his chair surveying the couple before him . “ I see. Severus, while you are invaluable to the order – I assume you know it would be too dangerous for you to continue spying, and by extension teaching at Hogwarts.”_

 

“ _Headmaster-”_

 

“ _Severus..” Albus lifted a hand to halt his youngest staff member. “ much of the older Slytherin students have parents with Deatheater ties. You know that better than anyone Severus . Should news about your condition become public questions of the child's paternity will no doubt come into question.”_

 

_Remus reached over taking his hand. “You will have to stop Severus,and we need to leave.”_

 

They would both need to go into hiding for their own safety. This would be a huge loss to the order. Even so, Albus never once proposed the idea of termination. For that Severus was thankful. Even if he had thought it over himself – after seeing the wolfs reaction he couldn't even entertain the idea now. Remus would make a good father, that much was clear with how the man interacted with his students.

 

“ _I may have an option for the order.” Severus pointed out that Malfoy might be persuaded to change his loyalties. After all, Narcissa had never really wanted to throw her lot in with the Dark Lord despite what her family name would suggest. Given Draco's age Severus assumed it was only a matter of time before the young man would be forced to take the mark. Narcissa would do anything to prevent that._

 

_Lucius had already failed his family and the youngest Black sister was through with letting the blonde call the shots. “If you promise the Malfoy's protection from the ministry and the Dark Lord, Lucius will bend his loyalties easily enough. He maybe prat but he isn't a fool, he can see the writing on the wall. Each day the Dark Lord falls deeper into madness and even his followers are not immune to his fits of temper.”_

 

“ _All the more reason we must safe guard you from him my boy.” Albus paused and looked between them. “I was wrong when it came to James and Lily and it cost Harry his parents. I will not allow another child to suffer such a fate.”_

 

Severus would teach for the first month until they could secure a replacement in the form of Horus Slughorn. That wasn't ideal, Severus had never been to keen on his own former head of houses teaching abilities. Dumbledore was sure he could convince the now retired wizard to return -if for no other reason than the ability to have 'The-boy-who-lived' added to his Slug Club.

 

In the mean time all they could do was hope that Voldemort would not summon his followers. Should that happen, Severus was under strict order to not go. Even if Severus was skilled in occluding his mind, there was a chance that something could give him away and put him and his child at risk. Moreover, should any of the deatheaters discover who the father of the child was- they could use that information to strike out against the Order. Severus refused to become a bargaining chip, nor let an unborn child be used as a pawn. The Dark Lord would not let him live if he realized that Severus had lied to him. It wasn't that Snape feared death, at times he'd wished for it. Now? Well, now it wasn't just his life in the balance.

 

The plan moving forward was having Severus join Remus at Grimmauld place. Until other arrangements could be made, the orders safe house was still the most secure option.

* * *

 

Severus wouldn't even finish out September. Professor Slughorn had been all to pleased to return to his old position after meeting Potter. It was almost insulting for Snape to know how easily he could be replaced.

 

The story for his dismissal was that Severus was 'going abroad for advanced studies' and would return to his post the following year. No one seemed to question it and congratulated the man on his efforts. Some of his students looked skeptical but raised no words of concern. For this Severus was thankful.

 

Malfoy and his family came to Dumbledore's aid easily with promise of protection. Lucius wasn't a good person by any stretch of the imagination but he knew a good deal when he saw one.

 

It appeared that everything was falling into place, and all that was left – was to pack.

 

Hogwarts had always been Severus's home. His quarters here and the dormitories in his youth had always welcomed him where the cold walls of Spinners End never had. Growing up to the sounds of screaming and fighting wasn't what made a home. Nor was the stench of cheap whiskey or the lusterless gleam of his mothers eye the last time she said goodbye to him at Kingscross.

 

“I know this isn't ideal love but it is for the best.” Remus spoke gently doing his best to help pack away another stack of books. It had taken them three days to finish and this was the last of it.

 

Severus looked around the now barren quarters and wondered if it was too late to head up to the astronomy tower and step off. “Yes...for the best.”

 


	7. Not so welcome home

 

Grimmauld place didn't exactly scream 'family home'. It was no wonder that Black turned out to the way he had and Severus shuddered to think how tainted Potter would have been had the Mutt been able to take the boy in. Just look at the rest of the nuts on the black family tree for Merlin's sake!

 

Not that Snape gave two shrivel figs what happened to Potter. Ok..maybe he did but that was between him and the quiet self-loathing he had bottled up over the past decade. The point was Remus cared for the brat and so by extension he would have to be cordial to not only Potter but now...everyone.

 

He did not do cordial.

 

Civil, that Severus could manage. Considering he no longer had to put on his mask as the 'evil git', maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have non-threatening conversations. He would miss deducting points from Gryffindor though. Oh and the detentions...he would miss those.

 

“ _I know it isn't much to look at.” Remus said while clearing out one of the larger guest rooms. Molly had suggesting moving them out of the children's hall and up to the third floor._

 

_ The red haired matriarch had enlisted the help of one of her eldest sons to come and clear out any curses. Molly had been kind and oddly welcoming. Severus wasn't sure what to make of that, but considering the number of children the woman had he supposed she had a soft heart for those expecting. Even if the one expecting was a rather sour old Slytherin.  _

 

_Severus eyed the bland room with its peeling wallpaper. “That is an understatement.”_

 

“ _Molly's lent me a book of home spells, decorating and the like. I'm sure with a bit of effort we can make it comfortable for now.”_

 

_Remus, forever the optimist had the old tatty spell book open, already waving his wand about. Like changing the color of the walls was really going to make this situation any better. “I'm going to see to the state of the bath.”_

 

The bathroom was actually very nice, Severus suspected that Remus or Molly had already been in the expansive lavatory to remove any signs of age or deterioration. There were twin sinks and a sizable claw foot tub, he wasn't a bath person. The swift perfunctory shower had been the most of his nightly ritual. Severus could make due of course.

 

A stack of fresh towels and soaps sat in a basket on the vanity. The colors were mismatched and bore a few small holes. Vaguely it reminded the dark man of his youth, later years after his father had lost his job at the factory and took to spending what little income they had on booze and card games. Faded visions of his mother mending the small holes in his school robes and socks, occasionally patching the worn areas with bits of old flannels. 

 

Returning to the bedroom, he was met with a very pleased looking Lupin. The walls around them where now a soft slate blue that complimented the dark hardwood floors well. A previously tarnished brass bed was now gleaming, it's four posts adored with gray curtains. The bedding was simple, save for a patchwork quilt that had enough colors to even please the headmasters tacky tastes. Obviously another gift from Molly Weasley. Remus was currently moving all of the potions books and journals onto shelves. He even managed to sort the correctly, something about that made Severus feel strangely warm inside. 

 

* * *

 

The rest of the order took the news of why the two of them would now be residing at number 12 with varied response. The teens looked a little green at the idea of their potions professor being a 'mother'. However the Weasley bunch had heard of wizards having children before. The red head wizards even had a few cousins who had two fathers. Severus was fairly certain the repugnant looks on the boys faces had less to do wit the fact he was male and just that he was...well him. 

 

Hermione Granger was full of questions and excited to research the topic like mad. Not that Severus was in the least bit surprised about that. Harry..well, the boy was the first to be furious with Remus.

 

“How could you do this to Sirius! With him!” The boy was in a rage and accidental magic was crackling around the already crowded kitchen. At this rate Potter would be lucky if the old tomb of a house would hold up to his irate mood. 

 

Lupin stood and stared the boy down before grabbing his shoulders. “Harry you listen to me right now. You know I care for you like my own son and I loved Sirius, but that doesn't mean I can never be happy again. I nor Severus expected for this to happen between it but it did and I don't regret that.”  
  
“How can ...Snape! Make you happy! He's a hateful git, who knows what he would do to a baby after how he's treated all of us!”

 

“Harry James Potter you mind yourself!” The wolf growled and everyone in the room went still. “Severus has done what he's had to do.”

 

Snape wished he could just melt into the floor or run out of here and let the cards fall as they may. Honestly, all of this posturing was insane. “I think that's enough Remus. Potter is entitled to his opinions, as foolish as they maybe.” Severus attempted to make a diplomatic escape from the dining room but of course Potter had to open his mouth. Whatever veiled attempt at control his temper was slowly unraveling.

 

“You did this on purpose didn't you! You just wanted a safe place to hide until its all over while the rest of us go out there and risk our lives.” 

 

Severus turned slowly and looked down his nose at the raging teen. Everything in him wanted to strike the brat across the face but then...he wasn't his father. Despite his sharp tongue that in many ways could be worse than a slap, he would never lay a hand on Lily's son. “Potter, if I had my way I would not have chosen this I assure you. If anyone deserves to die during this loathsome war..it would be no great loss for me to do so. Do not forget the years I have spent in places that would turn your hair white. The years I have given... to keep a stupid little boy alive for the sake of....of your mother.”

 

Harry stood dumbfounded as Snape stalked away. “You knew my...”

 

Molly made her way around the table and gently extricated Harry from Remus and scolded the boy herself. “Now Harry, Severus has done his best. He might not be the warmest man but he's not tricked dear Remus.”

 

“But..”

 

“He hasn't Harry. Thank you for worrying for me but I don't need it.” Remus said his shoulders dropping. “The truth is this is much more dangerous for Severus. Wizards have a hard time because the child is cocooned in their magic you see. If anything should falter then...we could lose everything. I could lose him as well.” 

 

 


	8. Not just good people and Deatheaters

Harry returned to Hogwarts with the others, there was no telling how long they would be able to get away with these weekend visits. Umbridge was vicious little toad and already starting make her sights knows and Dumbledore was distancing himself further and further from Harry. It felt like everything was falling apart and now...now this thing with Snape and Remus.

 

It felt wrong.

 

He couldn't help but feel guilty for yelling like he did, but this was all happening so soon and out of no where! Yeah...Snape was a spy so he was apparently good at keeping a secret. But Remus...the werewolf was the closet thing he had to a family and Remus never even mentioned what was going on. Part of the young man thought maybe if he had know he could of stopped it. Told Remus not to touch the greasy git with a broom. But then....

 

“ _The truth is this is much more dangerous for Severus. Wizards have a hard time because the child is cocooned in their magic you see. If anything should falter then...we could lose everything. I could lose him as well.”_

 

Harry covered his face with both hands, the look on Remus's face had hurt. It hurt because he used to look at Sirius like that. They were almost his family and now that was gone. Maybe it was selfish, no scratch that – it was selfish and he knew it. However, that didn't stop the feeling. Harry had wanted to badly to have a real family. After staying with the Weasley's and seeing what it was like to have parents that care about you. Many a night Harry had laid awake in Dudlyes 2 nd bedroom – dreaming of what it would be like. Sirius had promised that one things would be different and Harry could come and stay with them . Living with the Dursely's was hell, and that one thought that one day it would be over – made it at least tolerable.

 

Maybe that was why he was feeling so guilty for the things he said to Snape. Because he knew what it was like to grow up unwanted. Even Snape's child wouldn't deserve to be treated badly, despite who his father was. 

 

If only his potions Professor could feel that way about him.

 

Keeping Remus in his life would mean Snape came with it...and their kid. That thought alone made him nauseous. Harry couldn't picture a world where he could freely sit in Remus's house and have...Snape there.

 

Hermione had said that maybe they just didn't know Snape like they thought they did. After all, the man had been protecting all of them since first year. Even if the stubborn faculty member had easily been the most unpleasant man in all existence. There must have been something about him that Remus found redeemable.

 

At least tolerable.

 

Accusing Snape had come easily until Harry knew the truth. Why would Snape do something that could kill him when trying to escape death? Plus, the man was a potions master, if he wanted an easy way out of this situation he would have taken it. Yet he didn't, Snape came to Grimmauld place ..for Remus.

 

“Damn it..” Potter muttered, rolling over and punching his pillow. Too much of this didn't make sense, then there was that stuff the old dungeon bat said about his mom. He knew her, it wasn't just a shot below the belt there was a look in those cold eyes that spoke too true. He knew her, he protected Harry for her..not the light, not Dumbledore- For her. 

 

* * *

 

Back at number 12 the mood wasn't much better. Remus hadn't gone after Severus right away, thinking that the other man would appreciate a moment to himself. Additionally, he knew Severus wasn't one for much coddling.

 

Instead, Lupin had remained in the kitchen to help Molly clear away the leftovers from the meeting. That woman had been such a godsend – even going so far as to prepare meals for them for the next few weeks. Not that Remus couldn't have cooked, living on meager means had taught him how to fend for him self with the barest of supplies. 

 

Alas, the distraction came to an end after seeing the rest of the Weasley's off. Remus decided it was now or never and made is way up the stairs. 

 

“He didn't mean it.” Remus said as he entered the bedroom.

 

Severus was standing by the window looking out onto the small dilapidated gardens below. “I truly don't care what Mr. Potter means or does not mean.”

 

That was a lie but Remus felt it was moot to point out. “Are you hungry? There is quite a lot left if you would like I could have kreacher bring up something.”

 

“I'd rather not be poisoned.” 

 

“Well he hasn't killed any of us yet. I do see your point though. I could go down then.”

 

The ravenette sighed and turned away from the disappointing view. “That isn't necessary. I'm not hungry, and before you get the urge to lecture me – I know that I should still try to eat something. Not just now though.”

 

Remus could see the look of defeat that hung around the man before him. Severus was usually so good at hiding that sort of thing but tonight he'd lost that edge. His magic was straining and this move hadn't been ideal. Harry's fit in the dinning room hadn't helped. As much as Remus wanted to be angry with the boy he knew Harry was only lashing out because he was hurting. That didn't make it right of course, and now he had more on the line than just his relationship – he had a family. While he loved Harry like a son, and always will, this was his unborn child and man he was growing to love. Rems needed desperately to protect the last thing he had left.

 

“Come here.” He spoke softly and reached out for one of the slytherin's pale hands.

 

Guiding Severus over to the bed, they sat a moment before the dark man finally gave in and leaned against his shoulder. “I failed her.”

 

“No you didn't Severus. You have done your best to protect Harry.” 

 

“No I didn't Remus. I protected myself, and kept him alive. All I could see was James bloody Potter and ignored everything else. I told myself it was safer to hate him.” Severus hated that he was feeling so adrift with his emotions, he was better than this and yet he was lamenting Potter. This little imp taking up residence inside him was to blame obviously. Bloody hormones. “I saw him..so much smaller than he should be, tattered clothes on the weekends. I watched him in the great hall shoving food in his pockets. I saw all of it and did nothing but call him out for being a hooligan and a brainless lion with a death wish.”

 

“To be fair love, I could have seen it myself but I wanted too much for Lily and James's boy to be alright. I only saw what I wanted to see. Now...well now I don't even know how to help him or if I even can.” 

 

Severus had never had someone to share such quiet vulnerability with, just sitting there sharing space and holding this mans hand in his made him feel more connected than anything in this world. It was almost terrifying how quickly he was falling in love with Lupin. Which was all the more reason not to drag such a wonderful person down into the mess that was his life.

 

“You could..if not for me, I know how the ministry about your affliction. Tying yourself to a known deatheater won't make your claim on the boy any easier.”

 

“Stop..” A scared hand cupped his chin. “Listen to me. I know Harry is upset right now, but if I were to try and take him in it will be with you.”

 

“Because the boys life isn't enough of a nightmare as it is?”

 

Remus chuckled and pressed a kiss to the corner of the pioneers bowed lips.“You are very very dramatic you know. Why don't you have a bath and I'll have something for you to eat once your done yeah?

 

“And you are oddly intent on spoiling me.” Severus commented though it lacked venom. It did sound like a good idea however. He rarely indulged in baths and the claw foot tub appeared to be deep and long enough to accommodate his frame. “Very well.”

 

The werewolf seemed pleased with this and reached up to pull the ravenette down for another kiss. “You are worth spoiling to me. Go relax Sev.”

* * *

 

Who ever invented baths... should be hailed as a God and worshiped daily. Severus felt like every knotted muscle from the last decade was finally letting go and melting away. Washing the oily flame resistant potions out of his hair and settling into what was sure to be a brewing free existence for the foreseeable future. That would take some getting used to, nonetheless, if it meant keeping Lupin's Sprog safe he could stick to theory and study.

 

Slipping into a plush black robe and slippers – left kindly on the sink. Had Remus managed to sneak in while he was dozing in the bath? Possibly. Severus used a quick drying spell on his hair and frowned as the usually lank black locks fluffed up around his face. He sighed and smoothed down the front of his robe, pausing for a moment over his abdomen. This was all so strange to think that soon he'd be able to see the evidence of life growing there. Severus just shook his head and headed out into the bedroom.

 

“Enjoy your bath?” Remus smiled up from the bed where a he had a little picnic spread out on a quilt.

 

Severus felt his lips twitch in a slight smile. He truly didn't deserve this man. “ I did, I see you've been busy.”

 

“I do hope I'll be rewarded for my efforts.”

 

“How very Slytherin of you wolf.”

 

Remus laughed and held his hand out to beckon his lover closer. “I've had a good teacher. Although, a fairly skilled in a few lesson myself.”

 

“Down boy, you've done quiet enough.” Severus chuckled gesturing to himself as he sat down. Taking up a warm plate filled with food, let it not be said Molly wasn't the best cook in all of Britain. The first bite left him groaning in pleasure.

 

Of course this drew Lupin's attention. “Merlin Sev must you? You're a wicked man for that.”

 

Snape shrugged, “You wanted me to eat. I'm eating, your spawn is very demanding.”

 

Remus reached out slowly to touch the folds of the black robes concealing his lovers stomach. “I am very happy about this Severus. I want you to know that I never thought I would have this with anyone. What you have given me is the most precious gift. I don't regret this, not any of it.”

 

“So you've said.” He really was tiring of the mans constant assurances. “Clear away these plates you foolish Gryffindor and take me bed. This has been far too long of a day and I'm more that ready to be shut of it.”

 

A quick wave of a wand removed the remnants of dinner and turned down the sheets. The candle lights flickered and died as the pair slid down into the warm bedding. Silence reigned as the two curled round one another and Severus, for the first time did not protest having Remus pull him in close and whisper a sweet goodnight against the back of neck.

 

What they had was still new and fragile, it wasn't perfect or pretty...but it was theirs and it was worth protecting.

 

 


	9. Unlikey Allies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue from HP:OOTP used. Timelines adjusted if you hadn't already noticed..

Hermione sat in the common room waiting for Harry to come back from his detention with Umbridge. This was his third one and every time he came back … Harry just seemed different and she was terribly worried for her friend .

 

“Mione.. just leave him be.” Ron urged once again. Ever since the year started the red head was steadfast in his belief to just let Harry figure things out on his own. “He just gets mad when you badger him.” 

 

“Maybe he needs the badgering! Maybe he needs us to remind him that we care! Ronald please your his best friend you have to see as well as I do!”

 

The bushy haired girls tirade was interrupted as the young lion in question entered the common room. Harry looked drawn and silent. The words of his current DADA teacher resounding in his mind.

 

“ _Deep down, you know that you deserve to be punished.”_

 

Maybe he did, how many people needed to die to protect him. How many more would die just because he was the sodding 'chosen one.'

 

“Harry!” 

 

Potter looked up as Hermione crossed the room, his has held protectively against his chest as blood dripped from the carved words. He hadn't had time to hide it when her honey eyes fell over the wound.

 

A look of horror crossed the girls face. “What's wrong with your hand! Oh..Oh Harry you've got to tell Dumbledore!”

 

Ron was quick on the girls heels as Harry tried his best to pull his hand away from the well meaning inspection. “Bloody hell mate! The woman is torturing you, if the parents knew about this...”

 

“Yeah well I haven't got any of those do I!” Harry snapped, forcefully tugging his sleeve down over his hand. “Just leave it.” 

 

As Harry made his escape, his two friends felt even more helpless.

* * *

 

Remus dropped the daily prophet on the table with a huff. The bold black news print shouting out proclamations of Dumbledores failings and lies of Harry Potter.

 

“I can't believe ...they allow such things to be printed!” 

 

“Please...I nauseated enough with out looking at that drivel.” Severus grumbled over the glass of water he was nursing. This morning had been particularity foul and the smell of breakfast had set him off something awful. Remus, as good as he was – sat in the bathroom trying to force water and bits of dry toast on him. 

 

Currently, Lupin was fuming. “Fudge is completely paranoid. You know I spoke to Kingsley and Albus the other day, Fudge appointed Umbridge 'High inquisitor'. Whatever load of tosh that is. Those children won't learn a thing.”

 

“Of course not. Because then Dumbledore might actually have capable wizards and Cornelius can't have that.” 

 

Remus sat with his head in his hands. “I've asked Albus how Harry is and he won't even tell me. You see what their saying about him Severus. He's just a boy, and he's lost so much.”

 

“He has his friends Remus. Annoying as they are they wouldn't forsake him.” Severus said reaching over to take the mans scared hand. “Speak to Minerva if you can.” 

 

“I've tried to floo call her office, even the common room but it won't work.” The wolf said dejectedly. He squeezed Severus hand in his and drew the slender digits up to his lips. “I suppose that's might fault for misusing it before, now Albus has cut us off. I Just have this feeling Severus...I can't explain it.”

 

There wasn't much Severus could do but perhaps he could help put his loves might at ease. “I could...perhaps contact Lucius , he has accepted the position from Dumbledore. As much as you hate the man he'd do anything to protect his family and himself. Perhaps he could have Draco get a message to Harry for you. IF nothing else he's more like to know whats really going on at the school right now.”

 

“You trust him?”

 

“Trust has nothing to do with it Remus.” Severus said reclaiming his hand to run his fingertips along the scar from the wolfs temple down his jaw. “I simple know who he is. As much as Lucius would like everyone to think..he's as heartless as his father. Truly though, he's just a coward with a big bank account. He hasn't really got the stomach for what the Dark Lord really wants. He never did.” 

 

“How will you contact him. I don't want you to risk yourself Severus.” 

 

“I have my ways.” 

***

_Deep down you know you deserve to be punished._

 

_My son! My Boy!! Cedric!_

 

_If you want to Harry... You could stay with me, be a real family._

 

_Mama loves you Harry._

 

“Harry!! Harry! Can ya hear me mate! Neville go and get Professor McGonagall hurry up!” 

 

Harry came to inlaying flat on his back in the boys bathroom. Ron standing over him shaking him and shouting. He hadn't slept in days since they started training. Every time he closed his eyes he saw terrible things so he just stopped sleeping.

 

“Harry there you are.. Come on up ya get.” Ron was pulling him up and his legs felt like jello. 

 

Then McGonagall was there saying things about the infirmary and why did he need that. “I'm fine..just ..leave me alone.”

 

“Absolutely not Mr. Potter.” 

* * *

 

 

Harry hated the infirmary, even more now that everything seemed so much darker and grim. Umbridge had passed a decree banning non Staff personnel from entering. So it looked like he was stuck until Madam Pomfery let him out.

 

“Always have to be the center of attention Potter.” A entitled voice commented from the shadows. 

 

“Malfoy..what are you doing here. Shouldn't you be with the toads tattle squad?” 

 

The blond rolled his eyes. “You're really thick you know that. What do you think you achieve by pissing her off? That little artwork on your hand? I can't stand the little pig colored witch either but at least I know how to play the game.”

 

Harry sat up rubbing at his sore head. “If you came in here to swap strategy Malfoy I'm too knackered to bother.”

 

“As if I would waste my time trying to save a Gryfindor's neck. I am not Godfather I assure you, I'm just here to deliver a message.” Draco commented taking a seat at the-boy-who-lived's bedside. Honestly, he wasn't an owl and why on earth Mother and Father thought he should play one was beyond him. However, it was for Uncle Severus and in the long run if Potter managed to pull this 'saving the world' thing off it would get his mad Aunt and the Dark Lord out of their guest quarters. 

 

“A message from who?” 

 

“Let's just say, your furry friend is worried about you. By the looks of you I think he should be. You really need to stay out of Umbridge's bad books. She's getting even more irritated as it is.” For once, Draco didn't have that cutting edge in his voice. “You should tell them the truth. Just tell them anything.”

 

“What good would it do.” Harry wanted to turn away, he didn't need sympathy – least of all from Malfoy. 

 

“For starters, it would finally shut Granger up. She's even squawking at me now! As if I don't have to hear enough from Pans and my Mother now I have her on my case just because Severus had to go and get himself in the family way. Now my father..idiot he is was too glad for better job security as it were. So do me a favor Potter and sort yourself.”

 

“How...I can't contact them. Between Umbridge's new rules and the fact that the floo is shut of, not to mention I doubt an owl could even find them under the fideilius charm.”

 

Malfoy sighed theatrically. “Honestly Potter, for the savior of the wizarding world you really are helpless.” Draco tossed an empty potions bottle at the Gryfindor. “That's how, it works like vanishing cabinet. Not that I expect you to know what that is.” Malfoy spoke looking at his nails. “You write on a bit of parchment, then roll it up and place it inside the vial. After you close it, tap the cork three times. The message will disappear and reappear in it's sister bottle. Easy enough even you should be able to understand.”

 

Harry eyed the bottle suspiciously. “What do you get out of all this. I know you don't work for free.”

 

The blonde sneered well enough to rival his godfather. “Just use the damn thing.” With that the prince of Slytherin slipped off into the night.

 

Regardless of the blondes motives, Draco was right...Harry had a lot he needed to say and only one person in particular he wanted to say it to. He missed Remus terribly, and if Snape had gone to this much trouble to get Malfoy to help him...than maybe he wasn't such a git after all.

 

 

 


	10. The taming of Severus Snape

“Severus no..”

 

Remus was putting his foot down now, no more Mr. Nice Lupin. No Sir. His mate (Moony insisted on calling Severus that) was absolutely barking mad if he thought Remus was just going to let him brew a dangerous potion. Honestly! You shouldn't have to explain to someone why this is a bad idea, particularly to someone who claims to be intelligent. Yet here they are with Remus physically blocking a stubborn potions master.

 

“No one else is going to make the Wolfsbane for you, and you are not staying in this house without it!”

 

Severus had come down the stairs that morning with a handkerchief tied around his face and dragon hide gloves on. Evidently, those things were suppose to make Remus feel better about this. They did not.

 

“Write it down and I'll do it.”

 

The dark man laughed, candidly and properly laughed. “You must be joking! You are pants at potions and the fumes from this could kill you. Not to mention if you do it wrong. No, I'm brewing it just as I always have and you will shut your trap and let me work. Now. Move!”

 

Remus had positioned himself between Severus and the cellar door that led to the basement level of number 12. Was it the best course of action...maybe not. Most likely not the way Severus was glaring at him with a wand in his hand. Nonetheless, this was all he had and gosh darn it he was sticking by his principals on the matter.

 

Severus did not , in no way shape or form, need to be in that cellar.

 

Along with the cell where Remus spent his transformations, the cellar contained an old laboratory. The creepy grungy place had been used by the Black family to make Merlin knows what!

 

Lupin was in no hurry to allow his pregnant boyfriend to go down in the cold dank rooms were he was fairly sure multiple strains of toxic mold were growing. He might have been pants at potions but he got an E in Herbology.

 

“No I will not, I would rather go to the shrieking shack than have you injure yourself.”

 

Severus growled at him baring his teethe. For a moment Remus wondered which of them really needed the Wolfsbane. “You are impossible! Completely insane, over protective, childish!”

 

If Severus kept this up Remus was almost 100% sure he would be on the receiving end of a very agonizing hex to bollocks. He really hoped it wouldn't come to that.

 

“Hullo? Boys? Severus? Remus? ”

 

Thank Merlin for Molly Weasley.

 

“Yes in here Molly.” Remus smiled and that just pissed Severus off all the more.

 

* * *

 

He was cursed, that's what this was Severus was sure of it. Between having to grow a human, meddlesome werewolves, idiot Gryffindors and now bloody hen Weasley! Snape didn't know what he'd done in a past life to deserve this but it must have been truly rotten.

 

“Severus really there's no need for such temper. I was top of my class in potions at school and I've managed to keep a whole house full of children alive and well. You just write down the directions and I'm sure I can sort it out.”

 

“Is no one listening to me when I speak. This must be where your sons get it from, an autonomic response to just drown out my voice.” Severus threw up his hands, this day had gone to shite faster than the speed of light. “ This is not sodding stew woman! This is a sensitive, possibly poisonous concoction if not held to a specific standard of quality.”

 

“Please calm down love, your flushing and that can't be good for the baby.” Remus attempted to sooth the agitated raven.

 

Snape let out a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. His side was aching and now that Remus mentioned this was counter productive. Not that he would ever do the man the satisfaction of agreeing. “Remus...I am simply trying to convey the seriousness of this situation. The brew must be perfect.”

 

Molly shook her head and tied on an apron. “Severus dear, I know you want the best and I know why.” She smiled knowingly watching the two of them. “I swear on my magic I will follow your direction to the letter and you can check it over yourself – after it's bottled safely.”

 

It would seem this was the final offer he was going to get on this. Severus hated the idea of someone else doing his brewing for him. Unfortunately, anything more complex than a cuppa was out of the question at the moment. “Fine.”

 

That settled Molly offered to make breakfast. Apparently the Weasley matron had been bored at home now that all of her children were out of the house. Having cleaned the Burrow top to bottom she just couldn't stand it any longer and thought she might as well come to number 12 and see if she could be some use. After all, the great and noble house of Black looked less than sanitary even at the best of times. Remus couldn't thank her enough for stopping by when she did.

 

Meanwhile, Severus grumbled over his pumpkin juice and toast while scratching out brewing instructions with a pen and pad (likely left by Ms Granger) It had been ages since he'd written with a ball point thought at times when he was grading ink speckled essays – he'd wished Hogwarts would implement the muggle writing tool.

 

“Thank you for listening.” Remus said softly above him before dropping a kiss on the crown of his head.

 

“It's your funeral if she cocks it up.” he snorted in reply.

 

Remus just chuckled and pulled out a chair next to him. Taking up rubbing slow circles on his back as he wrote. “How are you feeling, I noticed your scent was a bit off.”

 

“My what? I do bathe contrary to what the children might believe you know.”

 

“Not what I meant dear.” Remus said tapping the side of his nose. “It's a lycan trait, a bit stronger closer to the moon. So please tell me how you're feeling.”

 

It was best to just give up the fight now where Lupin was concerned, the man had an annoying ability to never drop anything. While Severus wasn't one to ever admit to not feeling at top form – needs musts. “I am just tired Remus.”

 

It was a bit more than that if he was being honest – which he wasn't. Severus felt drained even after a night of sleep, he'd have a few bursts of energy, mostly fueled by annoyance, but once that was over he felt as if he could fall over and sleep for an eternity. Most of this lethargy he'd like to blame on a woeful lack of caffeine. Remus had forbade the stimulant the moment he found out Severus was expecting. Merlin how he missed that morning cup of sweet sugar heavy black coffee. That sodding wolf was a sadist for taking it from him.

 

“Darling, why don't you come with me and have a kip on the sofa.”

 

This earned Remus a glaring side eye. “That sofa is what got us into this mess.”

 

“To be fair I think it was your desk...or possibly your bed, or mine, or that awful table in your potion store room at Hogwarts.” Remus smirks and nuzzled at his lovers neck.

 

“Oh shut up!” Severus snapped standing up with very intention on seeing to the Weasley woman only to have his locomotion hindered by Remus wrapping a hand around his wrist.

 

“I'll take the directions to Molly, you to the sofa. Please Severus. You look a bit paler than usual, I'm just worried about you love.” As the man spoke his thumb rubbed gently at the ravenettes pulse point. Unnoticed by the other, Remus was checking the swift throb and worried after the mans earlier comment. Lupin had been doing a good deal of reading lately on the subject of Wizarding pregnancy and the more he learned the more he fretted.

 

Severus on the other hand wanted to beat this furry nuisance with his notepad. “I am not an invalid. Fine...take it.” Thumbing the spiral book against Lupin's chest with a touch less force than he wanted. Doing his best to turn on his heel and make an escape to the library.

* * *

 

Harry was released from the infirmary the following morning but with an excuse to miss the days classes in favor of rest. For now he sat at his desk in the Gryffindor dorms eyeing the little vial Malfoy had given him. Was it really what he said it was? There was no reason for the other boy to lie unless.. well they had all been slow to believe the Malfoy's had really switched sides. Harry supposed this could be some form of plot but then what good would a letter addressed to Remus do VoldyMoldy? Where the Deatheaters all going to gather around and have a nice laugh at his teenage angst? Honestly if that's what they were into these days then he might well win this war after all. All he'd have to do was throw a copy of Teen Cosmo at the dark wizard and then hex him when he was absorbed in an article over what new heartthrob cheated on his pop star girlfriend.

 

Potter had to smile at the awkward mental image of Riddle looking aghast at the glossy magazine. _'That cad how could he do that to Brittany!'_

 

That would make almost getting killed on the daily for the last few years almost worth it. Somehow though, Harry didn't think this was a ploy. This was most likely exactly what Malfoy said it was. The git was probably congratulating himself right now in a job well done. Fluffing up his dumb golden hair and talking in his stupid poncy accent about how he helped 'saint Potter'. Not that Malfoy could probably tell anyone in his house that, now that Harry really thought about it.

 

The young lion reached for a quill and some parchment. Might as well give this a try anyway.

 

 

Moony, 

 

I'm not sure how to start this letter or if you will even get it. Maybe I should just come right out and say, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so mean to ~~Snape~~ Professor Snape. I know he's done a lot of the order, and I guess for me too, it's just that he's been so mean to me. He hated me from the moment he saw me, I wish I knew what I did wrong. He said he protected me for my Mum, did he know her too? I tried to as Dumbledore but now even he is avoiding me. Why won't anyone tell me the truth!? I just want to know what's going on, this is my life and I feel like I have no control over anything. Maybe I don't though right? I'm suppose to the 'chosen one' and all that. What if I'm not though? What if everyone was wrong about me and in the end it's all my fault that this world falls. I just don't want more people to die because of me. Please tell me Moony... I miss Sirius so much. I think he would have told me the truth. 

  
I guess I should have planned this letter out a lot better because now I feel like all I've done is complain about things. Malfoy said I should tell you the truth, I can't believe I'm taking advice from him. 

The truth is...I hate this school year. Umbridge is an awful cow who hurts us, she has this quill Moony and she makes you write lines without ink and it cuts the words into your hands. I know some of the other Professors have tried to stop her but she has the ministry behind her. Some of us have tried to ban together and learn what we need to for defense but I'm worried it won't be enough. 

 

I have these nightmares about the tournament, about Cedric getting killed only its always someone else. Like Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna...even you. I don't want to lose anyone else Moony, I don't think I could take it. I feel so lost and I can't sleep anymore. Every time I close my eyes I see such horrible things, I don't know whats real anymore. People are starting to whisper that there is something wrong with me. What if ..what if I'm just like Voldemort? What if I lose my mind and hurt people? 

 

Harry signed his name and thought for a moment about just tearing the letter up. It wasn't as if Remus could help him, no one could. So what was the point?

 

He guessed at least if told someone he was doing something rather than just sitting here doing nothing. So Harry rolled up the parchment as tight as he could and slipped it into the vial. It was a tight fit but he managed. Tapping the cork three times the missive disappeared.

 

“I guess now I just wait...”

  


 

 

 


	11. A Wolf and his Cubs

Severus woke to short pulses of vibration coming from his wand. He had placed a charm on the utensil to notify him when a message to the 2-way vials was received. Obviously, this meant that Draco had been successful in getting the implement to Potter. Not that he doubted the boy; however, he was a little concerned on the swiftness in which the blonde would take to the order. After all, Draco seemed to be even more stubborn than his pure blood parents combined were - and that was saying something.

 

Now, they would have some answers to the current goings on at Hogwarts and Remus could relax his worrying ways. For that, Severus was thankful to not be left waiting for. The wolf was nearly vibrating himself when he thought about it. Ever since the news in the prophet, Remus had been intolerable to live with. The constant pacing and trying to get information and the ever-vigilant eye he kept on Snape. One would think that Lupin thought he would expire if not tended too 80% of the day. Severus had been in far more precarious situations than this…well maybe the context there was a bit different but the principal still stood.

 

Easing up off the sofa and stretching out all the kinks in his back from the impromptu nap, the dark man blinked the residual sleep from his eyes. With the curtains drawn, it was difficult to tell what time it was. Hoping that he had not slept the morning, or afternoon away, what a waste of time that would have been. That was all he needed, sleep the day away while Merlin knows what goes on. Truly, Lupin's offspring was already interfering in his day to day like and it wasn't even the size of a lemon.

 

Flicking a wand back and the mess of cushions and woven blanket, that hadn't been there when he first laid down...bloody wolf, Severus straightened up and looked down at himself.

 

“You'll be worse won't you...the attention span of a gnat and more destructive than a forest fire.” He said resting a hand on his stomach. “But at least you'll be a Slytherin.”

***

Severus did not smell smoke so perhaps the Weasley woman had succeed in not to burn this crumbling heap of a domicile down around their ears.

 

Making his way back to the dining room found Molly and Remus chatting over a cup of tea, a few potion bottles filled and sealed on the counter. Severus raised an eyebrow and looked them over; the color looked right so it had not been too terribly botched. Perhaps there was hope if this batch turned out well, that would be one less thing to worry about.

 

“Hello Love, did you sleep well?” Remus greeted, standing to place a less than welcomed kiss on the other mans cheek. Severus was still rather stingy with public displays of affection.

 

“Well enough, we've received a message or perhaps I should say you have.”

 

Molly stood and picked up the empty teacup. Her little chat with Remus had been eye opening indeed. While she wasn't the potion professor's biggest supporter – she lighted to think that everyone had the ability to change. Additionally, she adored Remus, the man had been through so much in his life and deserved a bit of happiness. Through speaking with him she discovered he wasn't the only one who had suffered so. Hearing how the two men began their relationship she felt ashamed for never considering the amount of danger Severus had been putting himself in for years. All the while ...alone. How many times had the stoic wizard stumbled home after being cursed to the brink of death by his fellow death eaters?

 

The matron smiled “Severus dear, how about a spot of lunch hmm? You look peaky.” she said looking him over. He looked so worn standing there in his black robes in this dingy old house.

 

Severus would have objected, not that it would have done him any good. The woman was already moving into the kitchen talking about sandwiches and biscuits. Molly Weasley was going to have him bigger than a hippogriff before the end of this.

 

“Let her cook for you Severus... Molly's just trying to help.” Remus said steeping closer and running his hands over his shoulders and arms. “You need to eat, for me?”

 

“Fine, let us not forget you are not exactly used to me all skin and bones. If I am meant to be fed up then you will suffer it as-well.” Severus leaned into the touch allowing Remus pull him into a hug. Taking liberties as he rested his head on Lupins shoulder, the cloying scents of Soap, after shave and tea were becoming oddly comforting. “ The message vial it upstairs on the book shelf over the writing desk. You should tend to it; you know how impatient Potter is.” Severus grumbled, this man was making him soft.

***

Remus sat at the old desk reading over the letter, his heart breaking for Harry. Each word spoke of such pain and desperation that a child should never know of. This was the boy that Remus had once held in his arms only a few days old. The same little boy he'd watch play with padfoot on the rug and giggle in his mothers lap. Harry wasn't that child anymore no matter how much Remus had wanted him to be. That child died with his parents that night in Godrics hallow.

Dumbledore wasn't infallible, and no matter what the old wizard thought when he placed Harry with his relatives- blood wards hadn't done much to protect his cub behind closed doors.

 

That house in Surrey had shaped that boy and not in the best of ways. Harry was constantly searching for approval and safety in a world that seemed to constantly deny him. Remus hated himself for not trying harder, he could have tracked Harry down and taken him – it wouldn't have been smart or perfect but maybe he could have made it work? Even now thinking of this kinder fantasy he knows that it would have been impossible. He was alone then and there would have been no one to care for Harry during the full moon. Not to mention that had been in the days before the Wolfsbane.

 

Lupin sat back with thousands of what ifs running through his head. What if he had been able to handle his grief better, instead of hiding away for all of those years? What if he had come to Albus sooner for help, what if he had reached out to Severus then and build something with the man in the days when their hearts needed healing the most? Perhaps they could have appealed to Dumbledore's better judgment. Minerva would have helped them he was sure of it.

 

Mental images flash across his mind of Severus holding a 4-year-old Harry in his lap while reading children books, or himself carrying the little boy on his shoulders through Diagon Ally. A quiet whisper of a life that should have been.

 

“I'm so sorry cub.” he says quietly going through the letter. The words go from bad to worse and the wolf inside him simmered under the surface with pent up rage. Harry was being hurt. How dare that pink toad touch his cub! How dare she hurt him! It was all Lupin could do not to rip everything in sight apart. A fit of pique wouldn't do Harry any good.

 

The scruffy man leaned forward, his head falling into his hands. Remus despised feeling so powerless, this was worse than watching Sirius falling into the void. Harry was hurting so much and there was no one there to help him. Harry couldn't be with them nor could he go to the headmaster for reassurance. Dumbledore's silence was meant to protect them all. Albus said there was something he wasn't sure of yet; he said it was best to distance himself from the boy for now. Yet was it? How could they leave a child alone to suffering under such thoughts?

 

Remus didn't want to believe that Harry was a danger to himself; he wanted to think of James and his resilience, of Lily and her stubborn strength. However, Harry wasn't his parents...he never knew them. The child had grown up alone, surround by people who never loved him or cared for him.

 

What was Remus suppose to do? The full moon was tomorrow night and it wasn't if he could leave Severus or risk exposing the Order's safe house.

 

Tugging roughly at his hair Remus felt worthless. So absorbed in self loathing he hadn't heard the bedroom door open behind him or the hurried footsteps.

 

Warm hands settle around his shoulders and then tug his worried hands from his hair. “Remus…what's happened?”

 

“Severus...read it please.”

 

The potions master takes up the parchment and peruses the messy scrawl of the teenager. It's not long before the mans brows creep up to his hairline. “She's using a blood quill…on children.”

 

Severus hands tremble slightly his eyes flitting over the words. Potter thought he was going mad, he spoke of seeing things in his dreams and something about that didn't sit well with him. There was too much in that implication. In the summer after the fiasco at the ministry Albus has said something something had happened. Yet would never elaborate. The Dark Lord had made vague statements about Potter ..about how he would 'take the boy' not Kill....but “take”. The boy had seen his Godfather in a dream and gone to the Ministry like a fool, but was the dream the simple product of a curse or had it been something darker? “Remus, you must call the Order. This cannot be allowed to continue.”

 

“I know it can't but what can we do?”

 

“Standing here doing nothing is not the answer. Call the order.”

**

Calling an emergency order meeting is not an effortless thing to do; thankfully, Molly was willing to do her best in gathering everyone and getting a message to Dumbledore. The woman cried when she was told what was going on at Hogwarts; she had several of her own children in the school and worried daily for them. Over the years Mrs. Weasley had come to thing of Harry as one of her own brood. Even a hint at the child's' suffering had the matron tearing up, worse seeing how Remus had taken the news himself.

 

Remus was beside himself, between the nearing moon and the news from Harry. Severus did his best to support his lover; it was in those moments that he truly realized that's who Remus was to him. As much as the dour man had tried to shun such feelings, as much as he tried to assume this thing between them would eventually grow cold. He did care for Remus, more than he thought himself capable of. He loved him, and Remus was a package deal. The boy-who-lived could no longer be looked at with side-long glances and veiled attempts at a past festering hatred. Severus had never really hated that child, how could he when the boy stared up at him with those bottle green eyes.

 

It was becoming ever more imperative that they fix this situation before things grew past their control. Dumbledore had been playing things too close to the vest for far to long and now they may have a real problem on there hands if Potter's fears turned out to be what Severus thought they were.

 

“There is not much I can do about Ms. Umbridge.” Dumbledore said, the man looked as if he'd aged a 100 years over night. Minerva has tried to confront her but the Ministry has given her more and more power. She will not hesitate to remove any staff members she sees fit.”

 

“And what of these dreams..”Severus said glaring at the old wizard. “ It isn't just dreams is it Albus..it isn't and you know it isn't.”

 

All eyes were on the gray wizard as he folded his weathered hands on the table top. “No my boy they are not just dreams. I fear that Tom has a link with the boy, one he has been attempting to exploit and control. For that reason I can not help Harry, the risk that Tom might use the boy to get to me is too great.”

 

“So you are are content to allow the boys mind to become a playground for the Dark Lord! He could drive him insane and then where will you be with out your blessed savior. What good will he be to you drooling and rocking in the mental ward at Mungos!”

 

“Severus..” Remus' voice spoke softly to his right and the mans large warm hand settled atop his. “Please calm down, love.”

 

He hadn't realized that in his outrage he'd stood and was leaning threateningly over the tabletop. His breath ragged as he spoke. “I can't...Remus you read that letter, Albus.... I have seen what Dark Lord can do when given ample time in an unguarded mind. He will drive that child mad and laugh while he does it.”

 

The old man lowered his gaze, blue eyes dull as they looked into the worn wood resting under his equally worn hands. He hadn't meant for things to go this way, “I know that Severus...I had intended for you to train the boy in shielding his mind but...well given your delicate condition I hardly think that to be wise do you? Moreover, you are no longer a member of staff. I'm afraid Mr. Potter will have to find his own way as he has done time and again.”

 

“With all due respect headmaster...” Remus spoke up glaring at the mad he once held so much respect for. “You put too much on Harry, he's a 15-year-old boy who is drowning under the weight placed on him. If something should happen to him..I will hold you solely responsible, and I will never forgive you Albus.”

 

The quiet man retreated from the meeting room with the former potions master on his heels. Behind them the remaining order members climbed in with similar worse of distaste for the Headmasters actions or lack there of, still there did not seem to be much progress.

**

Severus wasn't stood back for a moment while watching the wolf pace. “Rem do sit down you are making my feet ache just watching you.”

 

“I'm sorry..I just...” Remus turned running worried fingers through his graying hair. “I spent so much of my life looking up to that man. Making him out to be this ...this kind fatherly figure. Merlin sake..he was at my mothers funeral Severus. I know this thing with the ministry is touchy right now, but how can he let her hurt the children?”

 

“How could he let 11-year-olds face a troll and man possessed? How could he give an impressionable boy an invisibility cloak? How could he could he know what he knows and tell no one?” Severs spread out his hands as he spoke in that same even keel as if giving a lecture to his NEWTS class. “For the greater good. That's all that matters to him and has mattered to him for decades. And right or wrong... he is one of the most formidable wizards of our day. Perhaps our best and currently only line of defense until Potter is ready to face the Dark Lord”

 

Remus sat down on the bed letting out a gust of air. “What do we do Severus...what can we do?”

 

Snape wished he had Dumbledore's art with words, that he could fix this with some flourish of pretty platitudes. While Severus prided himself in his diction and vocabulary, he was far from a silver tongue when it came to inspiring hearts. That left nothing but logic .

 

Sitting down next to his love, Severus took on of Lupins' scared hands between his own. “First, you will write back to the boy. You will do your best to comfort him and to let him know you ...we, are here.”

 

“We..do you really mean that Severus?” Honey eyes looked up with so much hope despite the shadow of worry.

 

“I do. Potter.. Harry, can not go on as he is, the boy needs to be trained to protect his mind and even though I can not be there to do so- perhaps some recommended reading on the subject would not be remiss.”

***

 

Harry, 

 

I'm both glad to hear from you, and sad to hear you are having such trouble this year. 

 

Thank you for trying to be so understanding about Severus and I. You are right he has done a lot of the order and to protect you. Unfortunately, to do so he had to maintain his secrecy. Please know that Severus took no pleasure in being cruel to you, while it's no secret that he, James, and Sirius didn't get on in school – it wasn't always his fault. 

 

I loved your parents Harry, and believe me when I say this – James the man was very different from the boy. Just as you will be very different in a decade as you are now. Just as Severus is different from the man you met on your first day of classes. You haven't done anything wrong. As for his relationship with Lily, you will have to ask Severus directly as that is not my place to tell you. Just know he is willing to hear from you if you are willing to write, please cub..let us both help you if we can. 

 

You are not alone, even if it should feel that way . The headmaster has not forgotten you, he is doing what he thinks is best. As a member of the order I am unfortunately bound to his choices and unable by oath to share that with you. 

 

As for being 'the chosen one', I want you to hear me well and understand. You are Harry James Potter, the son of my best friends, godson to Sirius, and if I could way. You would be home with me, you have me Harry , you have a family. I don't give a bag of galleons for a prophecy or legends. All I know is that your my family Harry just as much as mine and Severus child. You are every bit as brave as your dad, as brilliant as your mum, as wild as your godfather..and I hope a little kindness from me. I have every faith you Harry. 

 

You are right by the way Umbridge is an awful cow. As an adult I should tell you not to say that but this once I think I can make an exception. I have never wanted to harm another human being as much as knowing that she has hurt you. I wish I could do more to protect you. Please do your best to avoid her if you can. You and the others need to be verry carful to not be discovered. I am proud of you Harry. 

 

Please do not blame yourself about what happened during the tournament. That was not your fault. I want you to know that Harry. Anytime you have that nightmare write to me, no matter how late it is I will do my best to be here, and if I am not then Severus will be. Try to get what sleep you can and take care of yourself. There are also some books that Severus would like you to read that may help. If you have any questions he will assist you. There is nothing wrong with Harry, you are not at all like Voldemort. You are a good young man with a good heart Harry.

 

Stay strong cub.  
Moony 

 

 


	12. Only because I'm bored

The letter had gone a long way in helping Harry to feel better with how things were going this year. Sure, he was still trapped here like everyone else – under the shadow of Umbridge and her ever-growing rule, but now he felt there was hope.

 

Looking at the letter once more, Harry smiles and traced his fingers over the ink. There was a smaller note that followed this one. A list of books and a note with directions to hand the letter to the aged Librarian. Harry was not sure that a note from a teacher who was no longer employed at Hogwarts was going to get him into the restricted section. Still, Snape seemed confident that his words would be enough.

 

Shrugging his shoulders Harry stuffed the invisibility cloak into his bag and headed out of the tower. He had planned to wrap the books in the cloak before packing them away. Anyone who looked in the bag would see nothing but a few school textbooks and spare rolls of parchment. Should any one try to stop him on the way all they would see would be another dedicated student studying for his OWLS.

 

Harry didn't have any trouble gaining access to the restricted section, whatever Snape put on that note it must have worked. He wasn't going to question it at any case.

 

“He's not even a teacher anymore and still giving me homework...”Harry grumbled moving through the bookshelves looking for all of the books the Professor had suggested. _**Guide to Advanced Occlumency**_ by Maxwell Barnett, _**Protection Charm Your Mind: A Practical Guide to Counter Legilimensy**_ by Franciscus Fieldwake, _**Living With Legilimens: Choose Your Minds Wisely**_ by The American society of Ligilimens. “Why are there so many bloody books...”

 

“That is usually how school works scar head.” 

 

Harry looked up from the stacks to glare at a familiar blonde standing on the other side of the partition separating the restricted contend from the rest of the Library. “What are you doing here Malfoy?” Harry had no time for the Slytherin's games. Regardless if the other boy had helped him or not, he still couldn't rule out Malfoy and his motivations.

 

Draco rolled his eyes. “Do relax Potter. Some of us want to make decent marks on out exams since we don't have a famous name to fall back on.”

 

Harry ground his teeth. “ Say's Darco Malfoy with all of his father's money. I'm sure you will do just fine, perhaps Daddy will buy you your very own Island to be king of then none of use will have to see you again.”

 

“You really have no grasp over Wizarding Society do you? Father could hardly purchase an Island, Not that I would love to escape to one at the moment.” Malfoy commented glancing over at the stack of books in the younger boys arms. “That seems a bit advanced for you Potter.” 

 

Harry couldn't give knut about Wizarding Society and where the Malfoys' stacked up in terms of wealth. “Maybe I'm broadening my horizons.”

 

The blond glanced around before leaning closer to the glass. “Uncle Severus told you to get them didn't he?”

 

“So what if Snape...wait did you just call him Uncle?” 

 

Malfoy waved his hand dismissively, “He's my Godfather, we don't exactly advertise it because he didn't want the other students to thing he was treating me any differently. Blaise and Pansy know of course, I think Crabb and Goyle did too...well honestly I'm not sure what those two were aware of out side of their own gullets and perhaps Quidditch. Just answer my question.”

 

“Why should I ? How do I know you won't just go and tattle?”

 

The green clad boy pinched the bridge of his nose. “How many times do I have to tell you Potty. It's just an act, my father has switched sides, morally I'm sure he doesn't care but he's in no hurry to be sent to Azkaban or be under the thumb of the Dark Lord any longer. By extension – I don't have to play nice with all the other Jr. Deatheaters other than on a superficial level.”

 

“Fine yeah he did.” Harry conceded. “So, you just follow your father or do you think for yourself.”

 

“Some of us don't have that luxury.” Malfoy said, those his words lacked their usual bite. 

 

For a moment Harry saw more in the normally bratty prince of Slytherin. “You can Malfoy. You have your own opinions even if it's just to tell me. It's not like I would tell anyone, haven't you heard ? The prophet thinks I'm loony, even though Fudge saw you-know-who with his own eyes, he's to afraid of what people will say so he keeps his head in the sand and the truth under wraps.”

 

Draco folded his arms and pressed his back against the glass. “Fine...I really don't care. When I was a kid I believed all of that nonsense about blood purity, but now...well now I can't see what it matters. You don't see half bloods with squibs in their family do you? Granger's a mud...muggleborn but she's got better marks than almost everyone. Uncle Severus is one of the most accomplished wizards I know and he had a muggle father.”

 

“Snape's half-blood?” Harry couldn't believe it, the stern potions professor had always carried himself with such grace and decorum. Not to mention they all just assumed based on his poncy dialect that he had to come from some noble house. 

 

“Yeah, he doesn't advertise it though, don't tell him I told you but...I think he had a rough time of it. My mother said that he lived with them his 6th year summer because he couldn't go home. Father was different then, that that I would have known . I think he carried a bit more about his friends than he does now.”

 

Hearing that Snape 'had a rough time' and 'couldn't go home' did something funny in Harry's chest. In a way it hurt, if Snape really grew up like he did then why didn't he see it? Why didn't anyone for that matter? Then again..all anyone ever saw was what they wanted to see. Maybe that was the thing that cut the deepest. “Your secrets safe with me Malfoy. All of it.”

 

Draco let out a breath and looked back at Harry who was currently showing the stack of old books into his napsack. “..if..well, if need any help with those..that is to say...I've read them. Severus taught me, I'm not nearly as good as him but father wanted me trained at least in the basics of that sort of thing. He's fair at it but lacked the patients to teach me himself.”

 

“Ya know Malfoy, if you keep offering to help me like this I'm going to start thinking you're not an obnoxious prat.” Harry smirked looking up at the taller boy.

 

“Parish the thought Potter. I simply wouldn't want our savior to melt what little brain he has left and lose the war for us.”

 

**

The shifting mattress singled the arrival of its second occupant, along with a soft but painful groan. It 6am and far too early for anyone without much to do to be awake. Severus however was awake the moment he heard the heavy footsteps on the stairs and the creak of the bedroom door. He simply lay there waiting for Remus to reclaim his side of the bed before rising to check on the man.

 

“Go back to sleep love..” Remus mumbled trying to cover himself with the sheet. He was stiff and sore after spending the night as Moony in the cellar.

 

Snape was of course not about to head this direction, instead slipping out of bed and into the adjoining bathroom to fetch a few potions and balms. “Hush Rem.” he said calmly tossing back the bed sheet. “Do not be difficult Lupin.”

 

“Yes Professor.”

 

“The cheek...”Severus shakes his head and began administering pain potions and numbing balms for the werewolf's aching joints. “Careful Mr. Lupin or you'll serve a detention.”

 

Remus hummed and reached out to caress a his loves leg showing below the hem of his night shirt. “And what would my punishment entail?”

 

“Nothing you are up to serving at present.” Severus said leaning over and placing a kiss on Remus' forehead. “Go to sleep.”

 

“Are you coming back to bed?”

 

He considered it, unfortunately Snape was one that once he was up and moving that was pretty much it. “I think not. I have a few potions journals I wished to look over since I have the free time to do so now. I'll prepare breakfast after.” He said slipping on a dressing gown. “You. Will stay in that bed.”

 

Remus yawned and pulled the blanket up to his chin with a smile. “I feel like this should be the other way around you know.”

“I'm with child Lupin not cursed. Should I find myself suddenly furred or fanged from your offspring – then you may feel free to cater to my every need. Until then I intend to remain self sufficient. Now Sleep.”

 

Of course, you can't keep a good wolf down and a few hours latter Remus was down in the kitchen making a nuance of himself.

 

“How am I to accomplish anything with you glued to my backside?” Severus said though with out much protest in his tone. He had been attempting to fry ham and and eggs when Remus entered the kitchen and folded himself against his back.

 

A scruffy chin brush over the back of Severus's neck. “I can think of a few things..”

 

“Down boy.”

 

Remus chuckled and the sound was warm and low. There was something so oddly comforting about this closeness. It was taking a while to warm up to but little by little these interactions felt more and more right. Severus sometimes felt selfish to indulge in such things. After a life spent in quiet self loathing, it almost seemed unfair to feel happy. Even so, leaning back against Lupin's chest as the mans arms wrapped around him, hands settling over his abdomen. Severus couldn't help but think this was nearly normal. Nearly a life without the dangers of war or megalomaniac wizards.

 

Perhaps one day soon...it would be.

 

 


	13. The way things are

“You call that blocking Potter!” Draco snapped, massaging his temples. This training session was getting them nowhere. He had not expected the-boy-who-lived to actually take him up on his generous offer to help that day in the library.

Even so, there was Potter, hauling him into an alcove the next day. The slighter male spilling his guts about how confusing the books were and how he dearly needed to learn Occlumency. The urgency to be free of the nightmares that were not solely nightmares but windows into the Dark Lords twisted mind. When Draco thought about it, there was no way he could say no. Despite the tumultuous past he had with Potter, he would not wish visions of death on anyone.   
  
Now, here he was in an abandoned classroom on the third floor- trying to teach Potter Occlumency. A craft he was just passably proficient in himself. Not to mention his sub-par abilities at Ligilimensy, it was enough to test the other boy but would be no were near the level of skill Potter would likely face.   
  
Potter, of course, was an utter failure at blocking even Draco's mediocre attempts. Malfoy scarcely doubted the other male had barely read more than a page from the books Professor Snape had wisely suggested. Bloody Gryffindors always barreling headlong into things.   
  
Harry for his part looked just as ragged as he sat uncomfortably on the dusty castle floor. There was a deep ache behind his eyes every time the pure blood dove into his mind. “I forcefully knocked you out didn't I?”   
  
“Indeed after what though? 10..15 Mins rooting around in your head! I saw far too much.”

 

Sitting heavily on an ornate desk, Draco glared at the lion still on the floor. He had seen with regret a countless multitude of memories in the last few days, finding out more than he ever hoped to about Potter. Dreadful things that made it difficult to keep treating Saint Potter like a steaming pile of Abraxan shit.  
  
Draco had examined the cupboard with its low ceiling and spider webs, the sent of acrid cleaning agent hanging in the air as it barely covered stale body odor and the barest tang of copper. The slight child huddled on a thin mattress under a tattered baby blanket. He had witnessed the Dark Lords shrivel face on the back of Quirrells' head, the basilisk in all its terrifying glory, And the grave yard where that Huffelpuff boy died.   
  
Alas, today had been much of the same, horrific images of Sirius black and the shrill voice of Bellatrix laughing mockingly came in waves. Each image brilliant in contrast to the deep thundering footsteps of Potters Uncle as the whiskered man stormed up the stairs before snatching the slight boy by the frayed collar. The wizarding world with all of its color and light and then the tidy muggle house with tacky floral prints and barely veiled loathing. Draco had always believed Potter had been treated like a savior but now...now he saw Harry was, in essence, no better than a house elf to his muggle relatives.   
  
“I know...I know that but I'm trying.” Harry said as he hung his head between bent knees.” It’s better than the first time right?”  
  
“It is but I'm not as good as someone else is at this Potter. Keeping me out and preventing someone like my aunt or the Dark Lord is something else entirely.” Draco said, remembering how hard it was for him, he had been much younger than Potter had and it had taken years to get to where he was now. He wasn't fit to instruct anyone else such a delicate form of mind magic. It was absurd he even had to. Why wasn't the Headmaster tutoring Potter? Alternatively, some Aura? If the light thought Potter was the blessed boy-who-lived, then maybe they ought to train him up a bit better.   
  
Salazar's crusty y-fronts! Draco had been learning since he was able to stand. Then again, he did come up in a pure blood home where magic was common.

 

There had been a longstanding rumor that Potter hadn't even known he was a Wizard until he received his letter. Like some muggleborn just stumbling around looking awestruck. He was supposed to lead the charge against the darkest foulest sorcerer that their world had ever known.   
  
They were all doomed...

 

Harry knew the snake was right, and it stung, if he couldn't keep Voldemort’s out of his mind more people were going to get hurt. Someone else he genuinely cared for might die and Harry couldn't bear to tragically lose anyone else. What if it was Mr. or Mrs. Weasley next time? What if it was Remus?   
  
“What am I supposed to do?”  
  
“Have you tried requesting help?”   
  
Harry looked up with a lopsided grin. “It's that what you're for.”   
  
“Terribly funny Potty, as much as it ruins me to say this- I'm not enough.” The contemptuous sneer dropped from his words a bit before he continued gently. “You should write to Severus, ask him what else you can do.”  
  
“Like Snape would help me...” Harry muttered.   
  
“Oh come off it Potter.” Draco stood brushing off some unseen dirt from his trousers. “He wouldn't have advised you about the books if he hadn't wanted to help you. Nor would he have tied himself to that Half-breed.”  
  
Harry glared daggers at the blonde. “Remus...his name is Remus.”  
  
“Fine fine…my point still stands. You forget I've been in your head Potter. Severus isn't stupid, he knows to keep in the wolfs good graces he has to be nicer to you. Plus...”Draco hesitated.” I think if he knew about your family...Well let's just say he hates that kind of thing. If he'd known...you wouldn't have had to stay there.”  
  
Somehow, Harry suspected that, if Headmaster Dumbledore said he couldn't leave his aunts house than how would Snape have changed anything. “Him caring about Remus is one thing, and trying to win this war. I guess. But that doesn't mean much for what happens after.”  
  
“What do you want to happen next?”   
  
That was a loaded question. Harry hadn't thought much beyond. “Well...I guess it doesn't matter because I most likely won't be around for the after.” He said solemnly as he picked up his bag and started for the door.   
  
“..What?” Draco stared at the lions retreating form.” You just...you naturally assume your going to die?”   
  
Harry shrugged at looked back at the lankier boy. “I don't assume Malfoy... I know it. That night this summer in the Department of Mysteries. It’s clear what has to happen to stop him. That's just how it has to be.”

 

***

Harry sat there glaring at the parchment; honestly, if he looked any harder the scrap of flimsy paper would likely burst into flame.  
Ask Snape for help? Yeah, Malfoy was off his rocker.   
  
As if Snape would offer anything above cryptic direction and snide remarks, all these years of potions had enlightened him that much. Really, going to any adult for help was pointless. He tried that first year and what happened? Nothing.  
  
Second year...well to be fair Lockheart wasn't the best choice.   
  
Third year. Harry couldn't blame Remus for not telling him the truth; at least they learned something in DADA that year.   
  
Fourth year...Harry would like forgetting that.   
  
So why even try now. Still, it wasn't like he had options anymore out there and Snape was the one who suggested the books and he did say that he could write if he had any questions. So maybe …   
  
“He's merely doing this for Remus that's all. Like Dra…Malfoy said.” Harry said aloud to the empty dorm room. He was glad everyone else had gone down to dinner. Not that he was terribly famished.  
  
Harry leaned back in his chair and glared defiantly at the ceiling, he did tell Remus he would try. There was really nothing for it; as much as he hated to admit it, he needed that greasy git.

 

***  
Professor Snape   
  
Thank you for suggesting the books. I did not have a problem promptly getting them from the library. I do have some questions. Okay, I have many questions. Mostly about just blocking someone out of your head faster. Malfoy has tried helping me, he said you taught him. This year is odd, Malfoy helping me.   
  
How are things there? I hope you and Remus are okay there, it must be dreadfully boring when a meeting isn't on. Are you feeling well? Hermione has been reading all about your … situations and she's told me a lot. Maybe more than I wanted to know if I'm being honest.   
  
Regardless, I know you said if I had questions I could write to you but I didn't want to be any trouble. I recognize you have loads to worry about already. I am doing my best Sir, if you can believe that, you might not of course. I read all of the books even had Hermione look them over too, she pointed out a few things and so has Malfoy. We work on it every other day, or try to when we can get away.  
  
If I learn how occlude my mind, will the nightmares stop? I'm unsure how I'm meant to keep someone out of my head if I'm asleep. It's hard enough to toss out Malfoy when I'm alert, I've tried to talk to the headmaster but he is still ignoring me. Is there anything I can do to make it easier? I hope to hear back from you soon. I am worried something bad is going to happen as it did before school. I know you didn't really like Sirius, but he meant a lot to me and I don't want anyone else to die because of me.  
  
Regards, H. Potter 

 

***

Severus did not trust Kreacher to tidy up their bedroom. Honestly, Severus didn't trust that elf to water the plants let alone wander around unguarded around his personal effects. Remus tried to assure him that the house elf, while grouchy on the best of days, was essentially harmless. Somehow, the potions master could not bring himself to agree.   
  
Lupin was currently down stairs making a mess of things in the kitchen. The wolf had said something about making a stew, swearing heartily he had prepared the dish with far less supplies.   
  
“Let me do this. You've been cooking everyday love.”   
  
He had bent to the man's kind eyes and acquiesced to the kitchen. After all, if Remus managed to keep himself alive this long he couldn't be completely useless. Even if he was pants at potions.  
  
While sneering at a pair of worn boxer shorts left haphazardly on the floor, the message vial jingled on the writing desk. Flicking his wand to banish the dirty pants to the hamper, Severus snatched up the glass bottle warily eyeing the rolled up parchment inside.   
It had been several days since he'd sent Potter the reading list. Severus suspected this was a letter meant for Remus, unrolling the letter he glanced briefly at the customary salutation. Seeing his own name in the smeary scrawl had been a surprise.   
  
Severus sat down and smoothed the parchment out over the desktop. “What has the silly child done now?"  
  
Jet-black eyes tracked along the words, noting the boys thank you. “That must have burned to write...” He mumbled. The news of Draco lending aid to the-boy-who-lived was surprising. However, Draco was far more like his mother than his father. Severus was both proud and concerned with his godson. After all, the long-standing rivalry between the two boys now turning into an alliance seemed to mirror his own situation a little too closely for comfort. “Bet you won't tell your father about this Dragon.”   
  
Potter's bungled attempt at civil conversation was almost charming. Severus had to tell himself not to sneer at the foolish sentiment. He had promised Remus he would try. At the minimum it was humorous to see that Granger's ravenous need for knowledge was mentally damaging to the boy.  
  
Severus hadn't expected the boy to appeal for help, the way Potter had asked was also stinging. As if he was worried, Severs would say no. Then again what cause had he ever given the boy to believe other wise? Harry was earnestly trying his best that much was clear, but would the young mans best be enough?  
  
The questions about the nightmares gave Severus a peculiar feeling in his chest. This wasn't right, these were children scrambling in the dark trying to help each other stop a mad man. “Damn it Albus...” Snape gently pinched the bridge of his prominent nose feeling a headache starting to form. Thrusting the letter away he leaned forwards resting is head in a nest of his arms.  
  
Dumbledore had scheduled a meeting for the weekend but could this wait another few days? It would have to he supposed. At the minimum he'd have time to cultivate a splendid line of insults by then.

****

Remus thought he'd surprise Severus with a delicious dinner in bed, bearing the tray of bowls and crisp bread up the stairs. If he played his cards right he might get a very special desert later. Smirking at his own intelligent machinations, Remus entered the bedroom to see his lover looking less than his usual stoic self. In fact the poor man looked terrible – hunched over the desk.   
  
“Severus?” He said, placing the food down on the side bored before crossing the room to inspect his mate. “Sev, are you alright? Are you sick? Do you need a bin?”  
  
“I'm fine...bloody Gryffindors...bloody...old men.” Severus ground from his folded arms.   
  
Remus was at a loss; he could sense the dark mans stress and his wolf was sitting up demanding he comforts their mate. “Love... darling look at me.”She spoke softly rubbing circles Severus' back.“Whats happened.”  
  
Snape looked up and scrubbed his face with his hands. His ire rising once again. “What is wrong? What is wrong is our hands are tied all for the bleeding 'Greater good'. Do you know what that has gotten anyone? Death! Albus wants to believe that allowing children to fight against Wizards is scarcely how you win a senseless war Remus! He did the identical thing with us as he's doing with Harry! That boy can not teach himself Occlumency! Neither can Draco! ” he was shaking uncontrollably with agitation and face delicately flushing. So much pent up anger from years of feeling left behind. The headmaster had turned a blind eye to his own suffering and failed to defend Lily.   
  
Part of Remus wanted to smile that Severus hadn't realized he'd called Harry by name. That however, was quelled seeing how upset all of this was making him. Instead, he wrapped the other man up in his arms and did his best to sooth that pain that had been building for far too long. “Harry is strong.”  
“He shouldn't have to be...they shouldn't...” Severus wanted to damn himself for the break in his voice. All these blasted hormones.   
  
“We have to have faith, even in Albus when we don't agree with him. We will be here for Harry and all of those kids. We will be what we didn't have the first time around.”  
  
“I don't even know what to tell him Remus.I'm not there to help him. I swore I would keep him safe.”  
  
Remus gently prompted his lover to leave the hard high back chair, “just breath Sev, we'll handle this. I'm right here, but I need you to breath. Have something to eat, and I'll help you with the letter alright?”  
  
Severus felt himself sagging into Lupin's arms. He didn't deserve this man, “I don't require help...”   
  
“As one would expect you don't love.”

 


	14. The right thing is never easy

It was pathetic really, that Harry could count on both hands the number of adults who ever cared about him. A 15-year-old boy should feel secure in the knowledge that his family will be there for him. After all, that's what many of his year mates enjoyed.   
  
Harry often found himself feeling jealousy rear its hideous head as he sat at the table in the Great Hall; listening to his fellow lions converse about their homes. The twins harping at Ron, Lee Jordan laughing about a letter his mum had sent him. Hermione preparing a list of all the places she wanted to visit over the winter holidays (mostly museums and libraries). He wished he didn't feel like forewarning the lot of them to be quiet. Sitting and glaring into his potatoes, knowing he had to load up on food now. Seeing as the Dursley's sure as hell didn't provided for him more than a can of raw soup a day. Never mind what it was going to be like spending Christmas here in the castle with Umbridge.   
  
For the first time Hogwarts was unsafe.   
  
Even so, when everything seemed so bleak, something peculiar happened.   
  
Snape wrote back.   
  
Not that the return letter was that much of a surprise but it was the content in the missive that Harry found difficult to comprehend. Of all the people who could have cared one sickle over what happened to him, never in the past had he scarcely thought to count Severus Snape among them.   
  
The idea of considering his dour professor as an ally seemed to outrage the senses. Yet here he sat, and uncomfortably so, on the cold castle floor reading along. The slight sting of the frigid stone sinking into his flannel pajamas as he absorbed the unusually kind words his former potions professor sent him.   
  
Initially, the letter had merely been to give him tips and strategies on how better to defend his mind from mental attacks. Secondary reading sources that could make his learning of Occlumency go more smoothly. Those were things Harry had been expecting. He had written the professor with a list of questions after all.   
  
What Harry hadn't expected, was other the things the letter contained. Decent things Snape didn't have to say.   
  
Snape didn't have to counsel him about his ghastly nightmares or tell him he wasn't to blame for Cedric or Sirius. Yet he had, in an awkward semi insulting sort of way. Then again that summed up Snape didn't it?   
  
_ “Despite what you may erroneously conclude Mr. Potter, what happened in that Graveyard was not your fault. Nor was Black; it was not your wand to cast the curse in either case. Dispel any foolish notion of personal guilt you may have young man. The comings and goings of this world do not rest on you alone. ” _   
  
He wondered vaguely if Remus had put Snape up to being a little nicer to him. Then again, maybe it was okay if Remus didn't, to think for just a little while that someone cared enough to say it wasn't his fault. Though it may seem strange if that someone was Snape.

* * *

  
The efforts of DA now in full swing. They could have never made it this far without every ones help. Speaking of help there was a person he needed to discuss with the rest of the golden trio and Harry didn't think it was going to go well.   
  
“Just hear me out.” Harry tried as both of his friends sat in the common room giving him dubious looks.   
From the moment Harry started his brief speech about how they genuinely needed Malfoy in the DA, his friends had assumed he was mad. Or cursed.   
  
“Mate no... it's Malfoy. ” Ron groaned and crossed his arms. The red head had never been one of Draco's loyalest fan. That longstanding rivalry was countless generations deep if anything could be gleaned from Arthur's social interactions with Lucius Malfoy.   
  
Up until now, Harry hasn't thought it was that big of a deal, after all — the Malfoy's were on their side right? Well as much as they could be.   
  
“Harry. It's not like we don't trust your judgment. It's just that... ” Hermione started but was soon cut off by the young lion next to her.   
  
“He's a prat! A self-entitled bloody snake! Have you lost your mind mate? ”Weasley threw his hands in the air.“ I thought it was bad when Professor Lupin ended up with that greasy git Snape, now it's just... catching! ”   
  
Harry glared fiercely at his friend. He knew Ron would over react but this was a little much. Thankfully, Hermione was there to reign in the other boy.   
  
“Ron! Remus is an adult, and I'm certain this is not even remotely the same thing. ”She paused and glanced at Harry a slight blush rising in her cheeks.“ Its... not, is it? If it is, we support you wholeheartedly Harry. I am in no way homophobic. My parents educated me to believe all love is love and. ”   
  
“Mione! No... just... ” Harry blushed to the tips of his ears.“ No ok... well. Wait why did you think that? ”   
  
“Yeah why did you think that?” Ron aggressively questioned. “Harry does not fancy blokes.”   
  
“I'm merely stating Ronald. If he did, it would be fine. ”   
  
“And I'm saying he doesn't!”   
  
“That's not the point!”   
  
“Can you both just stop?” Harry shouted, an embarrassed stain still coloring his face. “This has nothing to do with who or what I fancy this has to do with the DA. Malfoy can help keep Umbridge away. That's why we should issue him one of the coins Mione made. ”   
  
“If you two want to make this dreadful mistake, go ahead, but don't say I didn't warn you.” Ron said, looking completely done.   
  
Harry observed his oldest friend leave once again. Why couldn't everyone just get over their personal prejudices, considering Snape could write to him and not be a condescending asshole. Then Ronald Weasley could belt up for Draco Malfoy helping them all not get caught by a malicious cow.

* * *

  
**Meanwhile**   
“How are you feeling love?” Remus sat on the bedside rubbing the gentle swell of his beloveds belly. “You scared me last night youknow?”   
  
The morning had been far too eventful for both of them. After Severus had sent off a letter to Harry, the two of them curled up to try to get a good nights sleep. Regrettably, sometime just before dawn Severus had woken up with a terrible headache and a nosebleed. This of course, sending Remus into a fit, running to use the emergency floo code to contact the headmaster. Albus had been equally worried and sent Madam Pomfrey promptly over.   
  
Severus had tried convincing everyone he was fine, this wasn't the first migraine nor nosebleed he had ever had in his life. Even now, Remus was dreadfully worried, and as the Pomfrey had suggested he had a right to be.   
  
“Severus, I told you both that anything out of the ordinary needed to be reported to me immediately. Presently, have you been taking the potions I gave you? ”   
  
Snape leveled his eyes, fighting down the urge to hex the pants right off the stroppy werewolf pacing in the bedroom. “Of course I have. This is hardly a cause for an alarm Poppy; youknow my sinus plays up in the winter. ”   
  
The matron nodded and maintained her wand over him, “Indeed it does, that said you have not been pregnant in the past winters to my knowledge have you? ”   
  
He would have come back with a scathing remark but right now the relentless pounding in his skull was more than his cutting tongue could handle. “Will you just give me a headache drought and be done with it?”   
  
“I'll do no such thing. What I will do is have Remus make you cup of weak herbal tea and you will sip a glass of water in the mean time. ”   
  
“Is he alright? The baby? ” Remus nearly inquired. The man was vibrating with overwhelming anxiety.   
  
“Yes of course everything is fine dears. Severus and the little one are just fine, these sorts of things can happen at this specific stage in pregnancy. Now, while I'm here, has there been any other instances you'd like to report? ”   
  
“No.”   
“Yes”   
  
Severus glared. “You flea bitten sellout.”   
  
“Severus please. Yes Poppy, he's been very tired and was a bit light-headed last evening. I suppose stress has more to do with it than anything but still. ” Remus pushed on, all the while blatantly ignoring the dagger glances from his partner.   
  
Pomfrey shook her head. “Stress is not good, not good at all for the baby. Severus Snape will listen to me young man, do you hear? You will not allow yourself to become overwrought. I reasonably understand these are trying times, but you must do your best for the wee one. ”   
  
Remus looked far to pleased until the healer witch rounded on him as well. “And you Remus Lupin! It's your job to sort things out so that he doesn't have to! Be more supportive to the mother of your child! ”   
  
Both men looked fairly chastised at that point, unable to even look at the older woman. It was like they were 11 all over again. Sitting in the infirmary after one of Sirius and James' pranks gone wrong.   
  
“Now then,” She continued, smoothing out her skirts. “Remus, go on and make that tea love. Severus off to bed with you. I'm leaving your upcoming batch of potions in the cupboard since I'm here dears. If anything else should happen, don't hesitate to call. ”

* * *

  
Draco was running himself ragged trying to keep Umbridge and her small army of lemmings away from the room of requirement. All while still trying to help Harry and learn a few things himself. If this was the life of a double agent, he could understand his godfathers less than sunny disposition.   
  
“I hate my life..” The blonde groused as he fell back onto his bed, theatrically flinging an arm over his eyes.   
  
“Oh woe is the Prince!” A voice called over from one of the neighboring beds.   
  
Upon inpection, Draco realized it was Blaise. “Shut up prat.”   
  
“Yo know old boy. You stopped studding like a mad man in the library all night maybe you wouldn't look like something the Kenezal dragged in. ” The dark-skinned boy commented wryly as he lazed back on his elbows.   
  
Malfoy wasn't going to correct the assumption that he was exhausted from long study sessions. If anything, it was a solid cover for his other late night activities. “You know my father; he'll not accept anything less than straight-O's. If I have any hope at all of getting into a decent Mastery program after Hogwarts, I can't simply dally around all day. ”   
  
Blaise relented, “I suppose that is accurate. Although... I think you could get into any program you wanted. Considering... ”    
  
Considering who his father was went without saying. Draco and everyone else knew the Malfoy name was well on its way if the war turned out the way most of the Pure-blood families wanted it to go. If only they knew the very gilded family was the one about to throw a match into the works.   
  
“I spoke to Crabbe earlier, he said Filch knows where those Gryff's have been having their little meetings.” Blaise proceeded.   
  
The words made Draco's blood run cold. “Vince is an idiot and so is Filch.” He tried sounding tired and careless on the matter, even though his heart was rattling in his chest.   
  
Zabini hummed laying back on his bed, slanted eyes cast a glance at the fair haired boy next to him. “True, but word is he's seen them down a corridor going into a room where the door disappears after them. Vince said Filch was going to tell our esteemed Madam Inquisitor. The old squib is probably telling Umbridge right now. ”    
  
Draco swore under his breath and shot out of bed. “I've had enough gossip for one evening thank you. I'm going for a walk. ”   
  
“Careful Malfoy.” Blaise spoke with a smirk. “Your mane is showing.”   
  
“As if!” Draco called over his shoulder, damming himself for the too swift reaction. He had no idea where Zabini's loyalties lay. For all he knew – he could have just made himself and by dinner tomorrow his whole family could be dead at the Dark Lord's hands.   
  
Malfoy took every shortcut he could think of practically running to get to the room of requirement. He'd told Potter he wasn't coming tonight, hoping to catch up on sleep. If Umbridge busted Dumbledore's Army now they would all think it was him who sold them out. Something about that made his chest ache. Thinking about Potter's face and those big green eyes filling with betrayal left an acrid taste in the aristocrats mouth.   
His loafers slid on the stone floor as he rounded a corner too fast, nearly stumbling like a newborn colt. Draco swore as he overheard voices down at the other end of the hall.   
  
It was Umbridge. He was too late.   
  
Draco dashed down the hall hoping against hope the room would provide another means of escape for everyone. The door reviled it self and he barreled in slamming it shut behind him. Dozens of eyes looked up in surprise at the slither pressed up against the door breathing hard with his usually perfectly combed hair askew.   
  
“Malfoy?”   
  
“She's coming! You have to get out of here now! ”He shouted. Several students panicked slightly looking back to their leader for assurance.   
  
Potter himself didn't seem to know what to do, and that just made it all worse. “She... they have been this way before and couldn't get in. We can wait them out as we had before, she'll just get mad at Filch for fritter away her time and leave. ”   
  
Only this wasn't like every other time. The walls shook from the blasts and soon a high self-satisfied voice told them it was over.

* * *

  
  
Dumbledore was gone, and everyone in the DA was in a mass detention. That was ... everyone but one.   
  
Harry looked uneasy when Umbridge snatched Draco by the ear and tugged him away in the direction of her office. Once the rest of them were released from the great hall, he went looking for Malfoy.   
  
The blond was sitting in a forgotten hallway cradling his hand in a position all too familiar to Harry. Sitting down next to the Slytherin, green eyes peered over at the bloody appendage. The carved words TRAITOR stood out on pale skin in grotesque red. Plasma still weeping from the wounds as Malfoy glared down at them.   
  
“Mal.. Draco.. ”   
  
“Don't.. I knew what I was doing. She said she wouldn't foo my parents but it won't matter. All of Slytherin saw he lead me off like a beaten dog. The Dark Lord find out anyway. There's no telling what he'll do. ”    
  
Harry hung his head, here was someone else having to suffer on his account. “Do you think he'll suspect your father?”   
  
“No.” Draco said quickly. “Father has the skill of a rat when it comes to sinking ships. He'll disown me public and make sure his displeasure is well known. He won't risk being found out for me. Mother on the other hand... I worry if she'll not try and redeem me in some way and just make it all worse. Aunt Bellatrix will blame her for making me soft. ”   
  
“You can't go back to the dungeons tonight. It's unsafe for you. ”    
  
A pale brows rose in question and it reminded Harry terrible of Snape. “And just where do you propose I go then Potter? Your precious room of requirement is blasted to hell. ”   
  
Harry leaned into the taller boys shoulder, “The couch in Gryffindor common room is comfortable. Or you could... bunk up with me, I don't snore. Well... Ron does, but I can put up a silencing charm. ”   
  
Grey eyes crinkled as a chuckle lit from the green clad student. “You really are insane aren't you Harry?”   
  
“Is that a yes?”

  
Draco shrugged and leaned into the lions shoulder in turn. “Only because I don't fancy sleeping on a floor somewhere.”


	15. Chapter 15 The calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So I have started a new job that I hate and 40+ hour work weeks have me half dead and a anxiety riddled puddle. So sorry if the quality is just not up to snuff. By the time I get home and get in my daily cry, I don't have much left.

“What will the students do, moreover, the staff? Though I'm sure you made a grand exit, per usual didn't you?”Severus snapped viciously as he watched Albus Dumbledore looking far to relaxed for a man currently wanted by the Ministry of Magic. One would thing that the threat of Azkaban might be taken more seriously. Yet here the old coot sat with all his usual flare with crumbs in his beard.   
  
The old Wizard looked up from his cold cut sandwich, he'd had the nerve to make himself a snack when he appeared at Grimauld place that afternoon. Wandering into the once noble house of Black as if a wizard out on an evening stroll rather than one marked as a fugitive. “Well, as it happens I did, make a grand exit that is. You know Severus – I have always found that the image that one leaves is often far more important than a first impression. You see, it's not who you are at first but who you become.”  
  
“Will you stop this absolute nonsense!”The dark man fumed having had enough of Dumbledore's pearls of eccentric wisdom over the years. None of these flowery epitaphs had done much to adequately protect the people the old man claimed to care for. Nor did their sentiment sooth those touched by the many losses of this war.   
  
“Severus...please remember what Poppy said.” Remus spoke softly to his right, placing a comforting hand on his thigh under the table.  
  
Snape gathered a few deep breaths. He had to calm himself despite how tempted he was to just get up and leave. Naturally, Potter and his little defense group had been caught. Albus in all his 'wisdom' had decided to take credit for the whole thing and play right into Fudges' hands. Why couldn't the barmy old goat just have pointed out that the children were forced to instruct themselves due to the inadequate education the ministry was bestowing on them? Why not lay the blame for this squarely on Umbridge and her broad pink shoulders.  
  
No...he knew why, because Fudge was a moron. A terrified moron and that were perchance the most dangerous type.   
  
“Albus.” Remus began in his usual calm and diplomatic way. “We're just worried about the students. Won't there be a backlash from Umbridge and the ministry?”  
  
The aged wizard stat back brushing a few crumbs from his flowing beard. “Indeed, however, I feel Delores will be overwhelmed by sheer number of students. Her most likely course of action will be a mass detention. Given the number of pure-blood and even half-blood students with at least one influential parent or relation; I think it safe to say she will be untempted to any hasty actions.”  
  
“You allow the toad the credit of a rational mind, to which she does not have.” Severus ground out, his jaw protesting as his teeth gnashed together. He was trying very hard not to blast his once mentor right out of his seat. Damn these hormones.   
  
Lupin sighed,“I think what Severus mean is, how do you know she won't single out some students?” What he wanted to say was more along the lines of – How do you know she won't hurt Harry or his friends?   
  
Albus seemed to deflate some. “I have carefully considered that my boys, as much as I hate saying it... it is a risk we must take. As for fall out from the ministry, I have a necessary task for you Remus. As I will be incapable to take such a visible role for a time, I will require someone to obtain reports from Mr. Malfoy.”  
  
“Because the great ponce can't just come here?” Severus snapped. He was hungry and annoyed, the only thing that could make this worse was if the Weasleys' descended on them. Then again, he wouldn't mind a bowl of Molly's stew right now, or one of the overly sympathetic witches Shepard's pies.  
  
“Unfortunately Severus, that simply isn't possible.” Albus said shrugging his shoulders as he folded his withered hands in his lap. “Currently, the only floo connected to yours is Poppy's personal floo that we have hidden with concealing charms. Additionally, with Lucius and his highly recognizable appearance, if wouldn't do for him to be spotted at the nearest apparation point. No, I'm afraid our best option is to have Remus meet him in a warded room at the Ministry.”  
  
“When will I be meeting with him?” Remus asked, just hoping to get this conversation over with before jinxes were fired or Severus blew a blood vessel.   
  
“Tomorrow half past noon. You will enter the ministry, and Arthur will intercept you at the main lift bank and take you to the meeting room. I took the liberty of properly securing it the last time I was there.”Blue eyes twinkled in delight for his own sly accomplishment.“The room is loosely modeled after the room of requirement with in Hogwarts. Not so much in that it gives one what they need, but in that it is only visible by those who are in need of it.”  
  
“Is it as secure as its name sake? If it is I shall notify Narcissa to ready her husbands funeral arrangements. Perhaps between She, Molly and myself we might form a widowers guild of sorts.” Severus spoke, each word dripping in sarcasm and ire.   
  
At this point even Albus was beginning to grow short on his allowance for the younger man's snark. “The room is secure, I assure you Severus.”  
  
“Well, as long as you assure it Albus. Then it just must be true.” The dark man said, pushing away from the table and stalking out of the room.  
  
A few moments of silence later and Remus was propping his head atop his crossed arms on the table. “I'm sorry...he's just upset. We both are. I understand this isn't the best situation and you left to protect the children and the order in the long run. But Albus..” Here Lupin's voice grew pained, and he looked up at the man he once considered as dear as his own father.“Things have changed Albus; I've always loved Harry you know that. Now, though...now I'm starting to understand how James must have felt trying to defend his family.”  
  
Blue eyes lost their usual shine as the man before him seemed every bit of his years. “I am not without faults, truly I have many regrets in my life Remus. One of those was what happened to the Potters. Lily was such a brilliant young woman and James had so much promise. I know they would have been wonderful parents if given the chance. There are many nights I lay awake and wonder what more I might have done.”The aged wizard looked down at the damaged wood grain with all its nicks and carvings done by childish hands through the years. He smiled noting a small SB and RB carved side by side. “I never again want to watch another child suffer the loss of their parents Remus.”  
  
“Then we can not let this drag on any longer headmaster. Severus has already suffered through his darkmark trying to summon him once.”  
  
Albus nodded and his gaze traveled to the door where aforementioned man had fled through. “Tom knows he's betrayed. Lucius has already expressed to me it would be better that Severus remain unseen until the war is over. The price on his head is excessively high.”   
  
“I won't keep my family prisoner Albus. This needs to end.” Remus knew there was still so much to do before they could destroy HIM for good. So much that Harry wasn't prepared for, However, Remus began to wonder if following a prophecy was really even something they should do. There were many prophecys in the department of mysteries that had never come true. Many proven corrupt or incomplete. After all, free will existed in the world.  
  
“Indeed, perhaps I have been too focused on one road that I have blinded myself to possibilities of any others. You ave given me much to consider.”

* * *

 

“Please Professor! Draco can't go back to his dorms not after what happened!” Hermione pleaded earnestly with her head of house. Draco stands a few paces behind the girl as she and Harry made their case for him. Really this was uncomfortable, and he'd already received looks upon entering the common room behind the pair. He was essentially – in the lions den.   
  
Minerva looked over at the young Malfoy and identified how he held his wounded hand gingerly against his chest. She recognized what the boy was intentionally concealing and held out her own hand to the student. “Mr Malfoy, may I ?”   
  
Draco looked at her wearily before outstretching his hand, he looked elsewhere feeling his face flush with shame.   
  
“I'll get you something for that hand, in the mean time...you'll naturally follow Mr. Potter upstairs. I'll not have a young gentleman sleeping down here in the common room where any one of my dear girls could stumble upon him in the morning. And Mr. Malfoy. That was exceptionally brave.”  
  
Just like that Draco Malfoy found himself surrounded by red and brilliant gold as he comfortably settled into a narrow cot made from a transfigure wardrobe drawer. It was odd sleeping in the Gryffindor dorms, the layout was much more chaotic than the dorms in the dungeons. Snape had been a stickler for everyone carefully keeping their space tidy. Each student had their own desk and there had been official inspections by the prefects once a month or so. Here it seemed the lions were left more or less to their own devices.

  
Around the room a stray sock lay on the floor or a few candy wrappers on a night table. The walls covered in muggle bands and quiddich teams. It didn't seem to be a place of 'academic reflection and betterment', that his own dorms where always toted to be. This seemed like...home. A sense of warmth and unity, that wasn't to say there was no loyalty in Slytherin house. There was it was just – loyalty had its purpose. Slytherins had connections, not friends, well at least not him.

  
Draco would like to say that Blaise and Pansy were his friends but at times he wasn't sure. They both came from rather neutral families, and his father had always snubbed them more-or-less. Hell, Lucius would still be doing so if he wasn't basically a rat fleeing a sinking ship. That was another reason Draco didn't want to be like his father anymore. Lucius would like to say Severus was his friend, but both men knew any chance at that had died years ago. Draco didn't want to find himself in his thirties with no one turn to, so here he was...sticking up for Potter and his do-right gang.   
Perhaps he's lost his mind...or turning into a bloody Puff.

 

* * *

  
**Meanwhile**

Severus felt the bed dip behind him, he'd fortunately escaped the dinning room earlier before he said something he shouldn't have. There was nothing good that would have come from remaining part of the uncomfortable conversation with Dumbledore. As much he respected that man here were odd moments that he questioned the old wizards motives.   
  
“Alright love?” Remus asked settling into the bed behind him, one arm coming around and resting a protective hand over their child.   
  
“As well as can be expected. I suppose Albus has gone on then?” His tone a little too controlled to be believable.   
  
Remus sighed and slid closer. “Yes, he didn't say where he was going, but I should think that was on purpose.”   
“Reasonable deniability. I would claim surprise but we both know that would be a lie.” There was an agreeable hum just behind his left ear before the wolfs arms tightened around him and eager lips trailed over his neck. “Whatever it is you have in mind, I have a headache.”  
“Severus please its been an age.” Lupin whined “I miss you.”the sentimental words punctuated with trailing kisses over the column of his throat. “Please?”  
  
“Down wolf. It's been your unchecked libido that caused my current shift in center of gravity. I in no way feel interested in activities of the amours variety. Go. To. Sleep.” Severus said as she attempted to scoot away from roaming hands. A soft growl halting him as callused palm traverse over his thigh and hip causing the brooding man to shiver.  
“Tell me you don't miss this.” Warm breath skirts the back of his ear. “Let me help you feel better love, take some of this stress away.”   
  
Severus fought his reserve but then sensuous lips and brilliant teeth sucked a mark on his shoulder tip and a groan escaped his own mouth. “Remus..there..there is no way to..oh bloody hell.” Damn Remus Lupin for his talented lips and hands. Damn him to the  darkest circles of hell itself because if this man ever harnessed that power into anything else he would be the next dark Lord.   
“We can find a way Love, it'll be so good I promise.” Remus said tenderly stroking his loves quickly stirring flesh.   
  
“Yes...blessed Morgana hurry it up. If my back hurts I'll just kill you tomorrow.” 

**  
**   
  


  
  


 


	16. The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait but working 40 hour weeks and depression kinda take the joy out of life and piss all over it.

_The world is a gossamer haze, like opening your eyes underwater and trying to make sense of the murky depths. A strange kind of numbness that tingles over your senses and speaks of something just beyond their normal reach. Somewhere in this dark and distant nowhere, Harry found himself drifting._

_In the distance, melodic sounds seem muffled and for a brief moment as his mind harks back to swimming through the black lake and his heart shutters. No, not in the lake, there are no tall stalks of water born fauna. No strange fish creeping up from the muddy void. It's not the lake, and while he doesn't know it now- the lake would have been far safer than this place..._  
  
Harry feels his nerves calm by a fraction as he stumbles through the haze, but he's not walking. No,in this dream world there is another word for his means of locomotion, he's...slithering. 

  
  


_The world seems so much larger from his vantage point. Like being a little child and sneaking out of the cupboard after the Dursleys had gone to bed. Those sleepless nights when his belly clawed desperately at his spine in violent protest of its desolate state. Nights when he's laid there awake on his filthy little cot waiting so patently for the silence to envelop the little suburban house of horror. Worse still, those balmy summer nights when the Aircon was on upstairs but the lower levels of number 4 were left to the oppressive heat. Harry could still recall his sweat soaked clothes and nervous fingers just small enough to reach between the crack of the door and latch to let himself out. Later on, when he'd grown just enough to disallow such conveniences, he'd nicked a bit of broken ruler from his primary school to do the job.  
  
_ _ **'This can't be real**_ _.' he thought as his lucid dream self moved through the abysmal darkness. Yet, for most people, a dream is about not knowing it's a dream until you wake. His mind cycled quickly,_ __ **' what if it's him...like this summer when Sirius..'**

_Harry didn't allow himself finish that thought for fear of the hideous nightmares it would bring. Instead, he floated along the corridors of his dream. This couldn't have been Voldemort; what good would a vision of nothing serve him? Moreover, that vision had been so clear, that was why Harry sincerely believed it. This was like looking through frosted glass. Perhaps this was a figment brought on by not enough sleep as of late. He'd not been eating regularly or sleeping, it would only make sense that eventually his body would react. After-all, hadn't he collapsed from fatigue not long ago?_  
  
After a time his eyes properly adjusted to the abysmal darkness and realized he was gliding around dark hallways of a house. The plush runner rugs underneath him gave an impression of lavish furnishing. Perhaps this was a dream of a fine dining hall? A place with lavish tables and every food and drink he could think of. Yet there were no tables, no savory smells wafting through the air or warm inviting kitchens. This wasn't his brains way of scolding bad habits or suggesting better ones.

_Ahead there was a light pouring from under the seal of a doorway. As he came closer, Harry could hear muffled voices from the other side of the entrance. Clearly, whom ever it was had thought their location private enough to not need a silencing spell.  
  
'_ _ **He can see in my head...what if I can see in his or...Something of his. What if I'm not meant to see this?'**_ __  
  
That thought buoyed him forward, if Harry thought he could glean some significant information for the light it was his duty, wasn't it? If there was even a chance that there was some little slip of valuable information that could turn the tide. It was only fair, wasn't it? If old snake face could infiltrate his head and ruin his dreams, if he could steal away the only thing good in his life.. Why shouldn't Harry do the same, why shouldn't he take advantage of this link just as much as Voldemort did? In the end if this turned out to be nothing more than a regular dream then he would only have a good nights sleep for his efforts. If this was more however, this could win the war.  
  
Harry slunk closer to the glowing crevasse beneath the threshold, listening to the harsh voices just beyond his vision.  
  
“I could smell em..little runt.”A deep coarse voice said.“'im and tha traitor.”  
  
“I always knew snivvy was a little poof. With his pompous arse and ehs' fancy words. Thinkin' ehs' better than everyone.” A woman's familiar voice joined as she spat contemptuously at the mention of 'snivvy'.  
  
It wasn't hard to identify Bellatrix LeStranges' voice. Harry suffered enough nightmares of her high pitching tones, like nails on a chalkboard as she sang out her triumph through the echoing halls of the Ministry of Magic.  
  
“Think you can find em? Sniff em out? Our lil snivvy and ehs new pet doggie? oh I'd love so see ehs face when eh knows it's all over.” She practically moaned.“I wanna kill em nice and slow. Maybe peel the skin off em bit by bit make him gag on his own blood and then do in the mongrel right in front of em” She cackles and the male voice chuckles along.  
  
“Lupin got away once, ehs' gotta pay for disrespectin his alpha. I get the first piece; you can have ehs bitch.”  
  
Alpha...Grayback...it was Belatrix and Grayback.  
  
“How soon can you track em down?” She asked. “Tonight?”  
  
The werewolf hummed. “Got it narrowed down, I'll send a huntin party out tonight. Even fidelious can't protect em from pack.”  
  
Harry felt his blood run cold. He couldn't let this happen, couldn't let them hurt Remus or Severus. No one else could die for him!

* * *

__  
Draco blinks blearily into the darkness, he doesn't comprehend exactly why he's awake but then the sound of thrashing sheets and shuddering breaths makes it perfectly clear. Sitting up from the small cot and looking over the edge of Potters bed, he can see the other young mans' face contorted in pain and sweat plastering his black curls to his forehead. Speaking of which, the trademark scar of the-boy-who-lived was red and raw- dribbling a line of blood across his knotted up brows.  
  
“Potter..Potter wake up. Harry!” Draco shakes the lion with little success. If anything the touch just made Harry sink farther into the sheets in an attempt to flee. “Harry wake up for Merlin sake!” He says with more force, this time casting a lumos over the other wizard in hopes the light will be enough to bring him up from the claws of dream.   
  
Weather it's the light or sound Draco doesn't know or much care, but Harry finally opens his eyes and sits up like a shot of lightning as run through his spine.  
  
“What was..”  
  
Before Malfoy can question further the ravenette is up and out of his bed looking frantic and disheveled. “I have to go.” Harry says, staggering around in the faint light from Draco's wand – looking for his shoes and cloak. He doesn't even seem to care he's still in his pajamas.   
  
“Go? What...Potter wait.” Draco hisses in a whispered tone. He looks around to confirm they haven't woken any of the other boys in the dorm. Suddenly casting a privacy spell he rounds on Potter. “What on earth are doing? You can't go out of the castle like that. Or at all if I might add. It was just a dream, go back to sleep.”  
  
“You don't understand it wasn't just a dream it...well I'm not absolutely sure what it was. I think I might have seen something.”  
  
“Seen something?” Draco crosses his arms looking unimpressed. “I thought you were clever enough to know Trelawneys class was rubbish. You had a dream scar-head, as realistic as it may have been you can rest assured it was just a dream. Maybe ease up on the pumpkin pasties before bed next time yes?”  
  
Harry nearly growls at the taller boy. “You're not listening! It wasn't a bloody dream or some bollocks vision! It...well I think I was seeing through something or ..someone elses eyes. I think it was...Him..”  
  
At this Draco's gray eyes widen. “You should have been practicing your shields! For all you know he's just planted something in your head!”  
  
“No Draco listen I don't think it's like what happened this summer. I think it's different. This seems like something I wasn't suppose to see.”  
  
Malfoy shook his head and paced the small distance around the bed a few times. “No, I don't like it. You cannot just go running off because you 'think' it's something. Better wait to confirm it with someone or Severus or..or perhaps my father.”  
  
“It will be too late.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Harry turned away to grab his invisibility cloak. “It was about Remus and Snape. I think your aunt and Grayback are going after them.”  
  
Draco sat down on the bed staring at his hands. “That's not possible. You said they are under a charm to hide their location right, that only order members know where. Not even my father knows, he gives his reports someplace at the ministry.”  
  
“Grayback is werewolf, he can find Remus, he's sending a pack of other lycans out to find them tonight. Bellatrix wants to kill them, oh god..the baby. What will she do when she founds out.” Harry's face suddenly went pale.   
  
“Nothing good I know that.” Draco scrubbed his face with his hands. “This is madness.”  
  
“My life usually is.” Harry said with a humorless laugh. “Do you get it now? I have to go.”  
  
Draco tried to consider this from every angle. While it did sound plausible that Werewolves might be-able to track one another's location- that still didn't account for the warding on safe locations. Although, that maybe where his aunt would come in. Still, that was taking a big leap in the dark with what little information Potter had to go on. Even if what Harry saw was real it did not guarantee that Snape and his wolf were in danger. It only meant Bella and Grayback were looking. 

“They wouldn't tell the Dark Lord about this, not unless they knew they had them. If they failed and he knew they'd be in more trouble that it would be worth.”  
  
“What am I suppose to do? Just sit around and hope the only..sort-of family I have left isn't brutally slaughtered?” Harry threw his hands up. “I can't do that. I won't do that.”   
  
“Then send them a message. You still have the vial I gave you right? If you're right then they will put extra measures in place and be fine and if you're wrong then nothing to worry about.” Draco offered, realizing already this might be a lost cause.   
  
“Fine but if they won't listen...”  
  
“I know..I know Potter. But you will not be going off on your own.”  
  
Harry smiled slightly as he turned to the desk to write out a message. “One night in Gryffindor and already signing up for dangerous adventures? What will your father think?”

 

* * *

__  
Severus was just walking out of the loo when he noticed his wand quivering on the dressing table. He leveled his eyes and cinched his robe.  
  
“What could that fool child need this time of night.” He mutters bitterly to himself before snatching up the little message vial.   
  
As he reads the contents Severus can't help but think this is another one of the irritating little Gryffindor's outrageous stunts in the making. He jots down a swift and none too gentle reply to the boy, advising him to stay were he is and go back to sleep. Assuring the youth that there is no one at Number 12 nor is it likely to be found. Whatever dream he had is likely a ruse to draw him away from the safety of Hogwarts.   
  
Indeed, as he slides the missive back into the vial and taps the cork to send it on its way, Severus worries that the idiot boy will disregard his harsh warnings. Part of him wants to go against his sounder judgment and use the emergency floo to see to it that Potter stays where he is.   
  
The potion Master fingers the letter and looks back at his sleeping wolf. “Damn...” He considers the words, Potter said he was with Draco...that was another issue he dare not tackle tonight. Yet perhaps the Slytherins greater need for self-preservation would rub off and the impetuous boy. It would be difficult for them to even make it out of the castle with the wards even if they made it to the door with that frilly toad and her new rules- they would be caught instantly.   
  
For once he had to agree with at least that measure now in place.   
  
Still...This was the-boy-who-lived-to-annoy. “Bloody brat..” Severus muttered taking a seat by the window, he'd just wait for a little while to be sure the little delinquent didn't show up.

* * *

 

“See! We should just go back to sleep and.” Draco looked over as Potter tossed Snape's letter onto the duvet and unfolded his invisibility cloak.“Obviously...you're not listening at all are you? Typical.” The blond flung his hands up in exasperation.“Why do I bother?why does anyone. How is your head of house not riddled with ulcers?”   
  
Harry was scarcely listening to the Slytherin's fierce tirade. “Are you coming along or not? Snape wasn't going to listen to me. This isn't news Draco. Adults never listen.”   
  
As much as Draco hated to agree, to a point he had to. How many times had he sincerely wished those around him would just stop this blasted war? That if any of the adults would just open their eyes and see this madness would never end well – they would all be better off. That wasn't how the world worked though and for years he'd merely contented himself to believe this was...as his father often said 'something he wouldn't comprehend until he was older.'   
  
Regardless however of Harry's faith in adults – Draco felt this wasn't going to go over. “We'll just get caught.”  
  
“No we won't if you be quiet.” Harry whispered as the pair of them made their way out of the tower and into the castle.   
  
Both boys huddled close under the flowing cloak. Draco, having the forethought to cast a silencing charm on their shoes to minimize the sound of their footsteps on the stone floor.   
  
Meow  
  
“Shit.” Harry said stopping and ushering the lankier boy behind him up against the wall. “It's Mrs. Norris.”   
  
Pausing a moment, they waited with bated breath as the feline sniffed at the air . She completed a few laps around the mouth of the hallway before darting into one of the vacant classrooms.   
  
The youths let out a sigh of relief and secured their way toward the familiar staircases. “Alright, this isn't easy to do with more than one person so you need to watch your bleeding feet.” Harry said as they methodically began their decent.  
  
“I'm not stupid you recognize, if you were worried about falling down the bloody stairs we should have just stayed in the dorms.”   
  
“Sorry I'm not a coward.” Harry snapped viciously.  
  
As might be expected this served to ruffle the blonds feathers into giving the slighter boy a little shove. “I am not, I'm just not overly fond of being expelled.”   
  
Harry nudged Malfoy back, “Oh yeah because that's more notable than Snape being gutted by your rabid bitch Aunt. I thought he was your godfather or something. Shouldn't you be a bit more concerned?”   
  
“Uncle Severus isn't helpless. He's an excellent duelist, I dare say he might even be more proficient than aunt Bella.”  
  
Harry stopped suddenly and glared ferociously over his shoulder. “Inform me again how much firsthand experience he has doing that pregnant. I mean sure, maybe he could knock Lockhart ass over tea kettle, but something tells me his reflexes might not be up to it theses days.”  
  
“How touching that you care.” Draco drawled. Sounding for to irritatingly similar to the professor in question.   
  
“Only because it would devastate Remus.”  
  
Perhaps it was due to their petty bickering that the boys were not paying better attention or it was the constant shifting of the stairs combined with the darkness of the castle. Till the early hours of the morning, Draco would condemn himself for the miss step that left his treading on the heel of Harry's trainers.   
  
Potter stumbled and it was too late. The ravennette floundered out from under the cloak and tripped out onto the floor at the base of the stairs. He was uninjured of course, but that wasn't the worst of it.   
  
As Harry pushed himself up,  his form was bathed in lantern light.   
  
“Student out of bed! I've got you now you little brat!”   
  
Draco took a step back, still hidden under the cloak a few feet away, instantly frozen as he watched Filtch haul Harry to his feet. Harry looked over in his direction and minutely shook his head. Sending the blond a earnest plea to stay hidden, there was no need in them both getting caught.   
So there Malfoy stood- feeling like a total coward. The only thing he could think to do was hightail it back to Gryffindor tower and hopefully get help from the lions head of house. Draco just hoped that Harry would survive another prolonged detention with Umbridge. 

* * *

 

There wasn't much that Argus Filtch loved in this world, his cat...to a bizarre degree and catching wayward students doing wrong were at the top of that list. Ever since the Ministry sent their imaginative high inquisitor turned headmistress Umbridge, Filtch had never been happier. So many new rules and more added every day! The little brats could never keep up with them, which meant so many of them were finally getting what Argus felt they rightly deserved.   
  
True, he did owe headmaster Dumbledore for allowing him to remain a caretaker at Hogwarts despite being a squib – but what about discipline! What about making sure these little heathens turned out better than their forsaken parents!   
  
No child deserved a caning more-so in his eyes than Harry Potter. Just like his father before him, the Potter boy was a menace! How in the name of Merlin could they depend on a child to get the Wizarding world out of this mess, if the boy had no sense of duty! No respect!   
  
Argus felt he was performing the superb work for dragging the muttering little ingrate along to the headmistress' office. After all, the whelp was sneaking out! Probably to go run a muck somewhere or set up nasty pranks for the other students or worse! For Argus to have to clean up.   
  
Filtch wrapped his fist against the gilded door and received a sleepy call back and a moment later his new esteemed headmistress was at the door looking as lovely as ever. Argus had to admit he found her to be a handsome woman.   
  
“What ...I see, Mr. Potter- caught out of bounds so late. Why am I not surprised.” She said glaring fiercely at the rebellious youth being held by his collar. “I shall take him from here Argus, thank you for delivering him directly to me.”  
  
Harry tumbled as Filtch gave him a shove and stalked off into the darkness of the castle corridors.

* * *

 

Once they were alone, the toad rounded on him and flung an incarserus curse at him. Harry tumbled unceremoniously to a heap on the floor. The magical roped tightening to the point of debilitating pain.   
  
“Well Mr. Potter, it would seem you thought you could pull the wool over my eyes. Such a naughty boy, while all I have done has been to help you see you need to be disciplined. Those children really crave a strong hand to guide them. Yet you have fought me at every turn Mr. Potter.” She sighed and levitated him onto the coffee table in the center of her too pink office.“You simply will not reform, and this will not do. It will not do at all.”  
  
Harry struggled nearly to growl at the woman. “So I was out of bed, is fresh air a specific crime now?”  
  
Umbridge arches a thinly plucked brow. “Fresh air? In the middle of the night? Oh child, everyone knows nothing good happens after the witching hour. No, I think you are ling to me, Mr. Potter. Vicious lies are such hideous things.” She shivered to herself. “I think you where trying to leave. I think...” She said beginning to circle the tied youth. “I think, you where going to meet with Dumbledore.”   
  
“What? That's insane, I don't even know where he is!” Harry began protesting only to find a jinx gluing his lips together as he futily protested.   
  
“Good boys do not interrupt!”She snapped. “Now..where was I? Oh yes, I think you are in league with Dumbledore. After assembling his army you have decided to flee and meet him. No doubt to put together a group to overthrow the Ministry. Well, I will not allow it! I simply will not!”   
  
Umbridge canceled the lip binding jinx and Harry sputtered and ground his teeth. “I told you I was just out roaming the castle. I wasn't going to meet Dumbledore.”  
  
“Lies!” A lock of disheveled hair slipped out of place and the grand inquisitor was swift to right it back in place. “I didn't want to have to do this but...needs musts. Perhaps, a bit of cruciotus would loosen your tongue Mr. Potter?”  
  
“You wouldn't! That's Illegal!”   
  
However, Harry knew he was incorrect the dreadful moment Umbridge turned down a photo of the Minister. “These are trying times, sometimes ...one must resort to less than savory means in order to secure a brighter tomorrow.”  
  
“I told you I wasn't..”  
  
“CRUCIO!”

 

 


End file.
